• Leave the past where it belongs, behind you. We have a tendency to hang on to stuff we don’t really need. Experiences and emotional pain are certainly no exception. The truth is that we have no reason to hang onto the things that have hurt us before. If it isn’t happening right now, then it has no real power over us. Forgive. Accept. Close the door. Declare that the past has no place in your present.
• Unclutter your space. Just as we tend to hang onto past experiences, we also love to junk up our lives with things we don’t need and that don’t serve us. Get rid of anything that isn’t bringing you peace or joy, or that distracts you from your passion and purpose in life. Donate your extra clothes to a shelter. Sell your gaming system and put the cash in your savings account. Clean off your desk at work. Having a clear space allows for better focus and more inner peace.
• Heal yourself. Most of us are guilty of neglecting ourselves in the form of our mental and physical health. If you’re not 100%, it’s difficult to be effective in any area of your life. Commit to caring for your body and mind. Eat healthy foods, drink water, move your body, meditate, get enough sleep. Do all of the things your body wants you to do, for you.
• Guard your energy. Toxic people are everywhere and misery loves company. Avoid getting caught up in drama, gossip or negative conversations. Instead, take control of your surroundings and gear the conversation towards positive, uplifting and empowering dialogue. It’s amazing how much power you have to influence how other people think and experience the world.
• Serve others. We are a self-obsessed society, and in almost all situations, we solely consider what WE are getting out of it. Take a different perspective and get present to what you can give to others in every waking moment. Help out a coworker, carry someone’s groceries, volunteer for a non-profit or shovel someone’s driveway. When you seek to help others without personal gain, you end up getting more than you give in the form of joy, fulfillment and connection.
• Be a team player. Remember self-obsession? We really need to work on this one. Whether you’re part of a company, a family, a sports team or just a part of society, being a team player is a critical skill if you want to live powerfully. No man is an island. Take time to listen and consider other people’s feelings and perspectives. Don’t interrupt. Don’t shut down ideas. Don’t criticize. Create a space for healthy, open communication and collaboration. When we work together, anything is possible.
• Stop complaining. Have you heard of the Law of Attraction? Well, it works, for better or worse. If you speak negativity, you will attract negativity. It’s that simple. Ever feel like you just keep getting slammed by life? It’s probably because you’re complaining, and you’re giving off a magnetic vibe that’s pulling more bad juju your way. So rather than complaining about what’s going wrong, take charge of your life. Control the controllable and think positive thoughts only.
• Affirm yourself and others daily. The power of positivity is remarkable. Start each day with positive affirmations to yourself about who you are, what you’re going to accomplish and what your life is going to be about. And don’t stop there. You really do have the power to impact the people around you and create a circle of positivity. We all love to be acknowledged for who we are.  A genuine compliment goes a long way in making someone feel empowered and confident. So let the good vibes flow.
• Trust more, not less. Us humans spend so much time being fearful. We’re afraid of taking risks in our relationships, in our careers and in our passions. And, because we give that fear power over us, we actually stop ourselves from doing what we really want to do in our lives. This year, punch fear in the face. Do what you’re afraid of. Trust yourself, trust your instincts, trust the process, and trust others. The worst that can happen is that it doesn’t work out. But you’re tough. You’ll survive. I promise.
• Get back up. In the face of failure, remember that there is no failure. We fall down. Things don’t go as planned. So what? That’s part of the journey. It’s lessons learned and experience gained. As long as you get back up and keep moving forward, you’ll get there.
• Live your purpose. You know that seed in your heart that’s been there for as long as you can remember? That thing that makes your heart happy and sets your soul on fire? That thing is your purpose. It exists within you because you are meant to do it. So go do it. Without fear. Without hesitation. Without excuses.
• Practice gratitude. The simple act of counting your blessings daily energizes you more than you can imagine. Far too often, the amazing things in our life go unnoticed. We are distracted, overwhelmed and exhausted. Take a few minutes each morning to look at all you’ve been gifted.
• Smile often. Smiling actually burns calories, helps you look younger, improves your mood and creates a space where others feel safe and happy as well. Smiles are contagious and powerful, and universal. A smile can change the world, truly. So smile as often as possible.
• Be Happy. Happiness isn’t in in the past or the future. It isn’t found in success or wealth. Happiness is yours for the taking, right now and in this moment. Choose to be happy, regardless of your circumstance. Because, chances are, at this very moment, everything is just fine. And even if it’s not, the next moment is just around the corner.

Narcissist. A term I see being increasingly tossed around social media sites and blogs to describe people who are essentially self-obsessed. In a world with Google and WebMD constantly at our fingertips, it seems almost all of us are qualified to diagnose someone as a narcissist. With this ever-expanding epidemic comes a growing need to carefully consider just what makes someone a narcissist and how, or if, we should interact with one.

Spoiler Alert: This is going to be a long one, but worth your time if you find yourself in any form of relationship to a narcissist.

We have all encountered someone (or multiple someones) whom we would label a narcissist. There are a number of behaviors that clinicians, therapists and bloggers identify as narcissistic traits. Anyone who exhibits such behaviors therefore must be a narcissist, right? Let’s look at this. Get ready, because I’m about to turn the table on you.

You, dear reader, are a narcissist. That’s right. A self-obsessed, self-loving, self-loathing, my-way-or-the-highway narcissist. And that’s okay. It’s part of your humanness. Stay with me. I’ll prove it to you.

As human beings, we are all inclined to experience life as if we are the absolute frame of reference. Our reality is the only true reality. Our perspective is the only “right” perspective. And we are in this game of life, however charitable and philanthropic we may be, for ourselves. This is not to say that we don’t have periods of true apathy and sacrifice. We most certainly do. Because at the core of our humanness is only the desire to love and be loved. However, our primal instinct is to survive. In a world where there is a near-constant need to survive in the way of familial, educational, social, economic realities and beyond, we always resort back to self-interest.

Let me give you an example. Grief. As human beings, we experience the five stages of grief following a deep loss. But what exactly is grief a response to? Well, loss. Loss of what? Something that we had, that we want, that we no longer have. When we experience loss, such as a break-up, we first deny it. We can’t make sense of it, we feel confused. We refuse to accept that it’s real because we can’t cope. Then we get angry because we can’t cope. Then we beg and plead and barter because we can’t cope. Then we wallow in our sorrow because we can’t cope. Eventually we realize we are powerless and accept the loss. And we find someone else to love. Maybe not as much, maybe not the same way. But we find a new lover, best friend, mentor. We go through this process not because we genuinely love another person and want them to be happy, but because we want them to be with us, even if they aren’t happy. Because ultimately, we are all narcissistic and self-serving.

Now consider the tactics we attach to narcissists. A person we would call a narcissist experiences a loss of power. How do they react? They deny reality. They get angry. They manipulate, beg, plead out of desperation. They get depressed. All because they cannot cope. And eventually, when they come to terms with the reality that despite all of their efforts, they simply cannot change anything, they move on.

Narcissism is not a disease or disorder, in my opinion. Rather, it is an adaptation. This adaptation occurs physiologically, emotionally and behaviorally. It is a natural response that occurs in order for an individual to survive a chronic experience of loss. How extreme the adaptation depends on the extremity of the circumstances which caused it. Typically, we see extreme narcissistic tendencies in individuals who either experienced a chronic absence of love, affection and approval in childhood through either a withholding or abusive nature of the child’s primary caretaker, or the child experienced chronic suppression of his/her individuality and self-expression through excessive control, criticism and coddling. Children subjected to such environments grow up to be adults who  experience a chronic sense of powerlessness and the seemingly-appropriate (to them) response to the loss of power. This adaptation also occurs in adulthood in people exposed to chronic stress or abuse, but usually only in people with vulnerability or predisposition to extreme narcissistic attitudes. In either case, narcissists are far more sensitive to ego-injury and low self-esteem in daily life. And because of the loop of victimhood that all human beings play out, narcissists are certainly not exempt and will subconsciously and perpetually recreate situations that leave them feeling powerless in order to play out their role of the suppressed, lonely, unloved child.

Taking a deeper look at how narcissists go from normal, narcissistic human beings to diagnosably NPD, allows us to develop compassion for the tremendous amount of pain and suffering that hides beneath their adaptive behaviors. But are these people truly toxic and how should we interact with them, if at all?

There is no right or wrong answer here. Many experts and pseudo-experts will tell you that someone with extreme narcissistic tendencies is toxic and you must resort to limited or even no contact with the individual. In my opinion, this is an overly callous outlook that deems an individual, someone in an extreme amount of pain and desperate for a love they have never been able to access, merely disposable. And isn’t that our attitude toward relationships in general these days?

Consider the narcissist someone with an emotional handicap. While you may never receive the social support you would in caring for a quadriplegic or someone who is blind, narcissism is essentially a severe, post traumatic stress adaptation in which the individual lacks the actual capacity to connect with others, and not because he or she doesn’t want to. Someone with this adaptation is actually desperate for the very thing they can’t seem to grasp. Imagine a life where you did not have access to others. It’s a type of solitary confinement with no hope of release. That is the state of existence for a narcissist.

Being in relationship with any narcissist is very daunting. All relationships are, as we all function on some level as self-interested, self-obsessed narcissists. But with the extreme behaviors and tendencies of narcissism, life can be overwhelming and unstable. If you are not armed with knowledge, power and a solid self-worth, ongoing exposure to a narcissist can be crippling. How much you are willing to give, and take, is solely up to you. And the truth is, that until an individual has the willingness to acknowledge the cost of this defense mechanism in their life, change is unlikely. If the narcissist in your life indicates a willingness to seek help, know how much courage and vulnerability this takes and do your best to support them in beginning the long and arduous journey of healing. You can find some very helpful and hopeful resources below.

If you are struggling with a narcissist and would like support, contact me at info@kristinkoltick.com

For hopeful resources, click the link below.

The Landmark Forum

Schema Therapy Institute

Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed by Wendy Behari

Yet, I think the piece of this puzzle most of us seem to miss is that in order to create something new, we need to get complete with what’s in the past. Otherwise, we carry it with us, unknowingly, and it keeps us from truly being able to move forward freely and powerfully. It’s kind of like carrying an invisible suitcase filled with bad memories, bad experiences and bad karma. We drag it around, it becomes heavier and heavier, and we don’t even know it’s there, so how can we put it down?

As we step into the final hours of another year passed, I encourage you to take a look at what’s in your suitcase and, piece by piece, lay it down. Is there someone you’ve been withholding forgiveness from? An estranged relationship? Maybe even a nagging grudge with a neighbor or coworker? Have you been struggling with insecurity in some area of your life?  Perhaps laziness or procrastination over starting something or handling something? These sorts of things fester in the background of our thoughts and, if we don’t acknowledge them and their utter lack of power over who we really are and what we are really capable of, they start to become a part of us. We can no longer act separately from that piece of who we’ve become.

Make a phone call. Apologize, even if it’s to yourself for something you’ve been feeling guilty over. Reach out. Declare forgiveness. Declare the past in the past, whatever it is and however painful. Declare that it’s gone and holds no power over you. And, once you’ve laid all of that heavy baggage down, declare a new possibility for yourself and your future. Who you’re going to be. What you’re going to accomplish. What you want your life to stand for.

Here’s a tip. The sky is the limit.

The holiday season is just around the corner. Or, maybe, it’s been here since October. Either way, this time of year tends to come with quite a bit of stress, obligation and overwhelm. Our kind sentiments and warm, fuzzy feelings get lost in the midst of worry; worry about money, travel, time, energy and just about anything else our minds can conjure up to disrupt our joy. The good news? It doesn’t have to be that way, at all.

I’m committed to living my life in a way that encompasses peace, exudes love and creates power. So I took some time to create a possibility for a truly joyful holiday season within that realm. I’ve come up with some strategies for myself and thought I’d share, in hopes that you all will experience a peaceful and happy holiday, and beyond.

• Get that image doesn’t mean anything. Absolutely nothing. The energy we put into making our homes look perfect, the Pinterest-worthy projects we do with the kids, the gifts we can’t afford…..all of these things are joy suckers. We do them to impress others, while driving ourselves crazy. And broke. And guess what. No one else cares. No one cares how perfect our wreaths look from the street, how much money we’ve spent on their gift or how many times we’ve snapped at our child before taking over their “handmade” teacher gift. YOU are the only one who cares, and you are really robbing yourself of the opportunity to enjoy this time of year. Want peace? Forget to impress!
• Presence, not presents. The holiday season can be a tremendous financial strain for anyone who’s already struggling to make ends meet. Even if money is a non-issue for you, you might be missing the mark on making the most of this holiday season. It’s a busy time of year and, when we’re blessed by abundance, it can be much easier to use our wallets than our hearts to make an impact for others. Generosity is an incredible act, and should be acknowledged. But what really moves people is when we share our most precious resource with them, our time. Instead of spending a fortune on presents, gift the people you love with your presence. It will go a lot further than you can imagine. Take them out for coffee or lunch. Join them for a yoga or pottery class. Grab tickets to a comedy or music show that they’d enjoy. Spend time and love instead of money and see what opens up in those relationships!
• Get creative. Don’t get me wrong. Pinterest is remarkable source of inspiration and handmade gifts are a fantastic way to limit your holiday spending. But there’s something to really get before you go down this road….Pinterest does not have to equal pressure. By all means, seek ideas. But making gifts, even with the kids, should be an enjoyable and satisfying way of sharing a piece of you with someone else. Allow yourself to create something without the concern of how it will turn out or be received. If it comes from the heart, it will be felt that way.
• Commit with care. We tend to overcommit ourselves throughout the year, but even more so during the holidays. In our quest to make the most of the season, to be productive and meet expectations, we say we will do things we simply don’t have the time (or interest) for. Time is our most valuable resource and so we should give it with love, but wisely. This year, try your best to avoid making commitments of this nature. Instead, commit only to things that will bring real value to you and the people around you. Once you’re committed to something, honor your commitments with care and contentment.
• Forget about food. Health & wellness are important aspects of a powerful and effective life. However, food is also an important part of holiday tradition and is often an expression of love. Let go of the need to maintain a rigid nutrition plan and simply allow yourself to be in the moment, enjoying food freely without the worry of guilt.
• Get complete with 2017. We’ve all experienced things this past year that have brought discord or disappointment. Perhaps you’ve been slighted in some regard. Perhaps you’ve lost something or someone important to you. Or, perhaps, things just didn’t go as planned. The truth is that it doesn’t matter. Nothing that’s happened has anything to do with who you are or where you’re going from here. Accept that what’s happened has happened, and be willing to move forward without resentment or regret.
• Create possibilities instead of resolutions. With a new year comes the pressures of getting it right this time around. We resolve to do things differently, or better, in the year to come. The problem is that we are setting ourselves up for failure and, with failure, comes the sense of defeat. And we give up. Instead of making a resolution to do this or not do that, try creating a possibility for 2018. In the realm of possibility, there is no failure or shortcoming. It’s merely about what is possible through action. And the cool thing about possibility is that it’s always possible. What are you going to create for your life in 2018?

I grew up in a home where excellent grades were the expectation. I was smart and my father studied with me every night, so I had no innate problems in meeting that expectation. But somewhere along the line, I developed the formula that being smart and accomplished was the only way to be “right” in the world. As a teenager, I rebelled against that notion, in part because it felt inauthentic to me. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be smart or accomplished, but rather that it was being forced on me by my father. The free spirit, anti-authoritarian in me wanted to be different from my dad and from my siblings. I wanted to find my own way.

I was a troubled student in high school, as I navigated my way through self-discovery. I resisted the expectation of me to be smart and accomplished by making stupid decisions and being assigned to regular afternoon detention. But that path wasn’t leading me any closer to happiness. I felt lost and lonely, like no one knew the real me, including myself.

As I grew into adulthood, I searched even further for me authentic self. I traveled, I wrote music and poetry, and, for awhile, I felt free. I felt connected to my inner voice. I felt free. But it wasn’t long before the pressures and expectations of life crept in again. What was I going to do with my life? I should choose a career, find a husband, settle down. All of those societal and religious standards began to shift me away from self-expression and back into a place where I felt imprisoned, suffocated. It was no longer ME making decisions for my life, but the concern about disappointing people, judgement, or looking bad. I went to college, got married and had a child. I started a business. I did all of the things that were expected of me. Only still, I wasn’t happy.

I love my child more than anything in the world. He has been my one constant, my light and my hope in all things. But even my role as a mother was dictated by guilt, fear and image. I wasn’t free to be who I really was, even with my son. 

I was in the business of sales and recruiting, which you can imagine, requires one to project a constant image of desirability. I had to eat a certain way, look a certain way, act a certain way and portray a certain life at all times, in order to attract new clientele and build a team of coaches. It became such a constant compulsion that, once again, I found myself completely disconnected from the voice within. I couldn’t even remember who I was beneath the unceasing demand to maintain such an image. In the midst of growing success, wealth and freedom, I was anything but free.

Eventually I shut down. I rebelled, like I had back in high school. I left my marriage, I checked out of my business and I isolated myself from friends. I needed to take time to rediscover who I was and who I wanted to become. And I did.

I spent the majority of the past year getting present to who I truly am and who I want to be, apart from the expectations imposed on me by anyone else or by society as a whole. And in doing that, I’ve found that my life has become so much more workable, fulfilling and free. It hasn’t been an easy journey. I’ve been forced to really confront myself and discover all of the ways I’ve been living without authenticity. It’s been overwhelming and scary, at times, but what was there for me on the other side is freedom and power, and true happiness.

If you’re seeking a more fulfilling and free life, I invite you to take the following steps toward living empowered by authenticity.

• Challenge yourself to face your fears. Fear isn’t real. It’s a concept that exists only in our minds. Yet it holds us back from living the life we truly want. It keeps us from following our heart and pursuing our passions. Acknowledge that fear is an illusion and do whatever it is you’re afraid of. Let go of your reasons, excuses and validations and just do it.
• Forgive yourself. You are human. Welcome to the world’s least exclusive club where membership requires imperfection. We all fall short, make mistakes, hurt people, cause harm. We don’t mean to. We are simply survivalists who often slip into a self-obsessed existence. We all do. So whatever guilt or shame you’re carrying around, know that you’re not alone. You aren’t wrong or bad or awful in any way. You’re human. So forgive yourself, truly, and move forward freely.
• Forgive others. Playing the blame game or being the victim can feel powerful. We get to be right and make someone else wrong. The reality is, however, that holding onto to resentment against others is actually an incredibly powerless approach to life. We are essentially saying, in our victimhood, that we have no control over what happens. False. We may not have been able to control what happened, but it’s over. It doesn’t exist anymore, except in our thoughts. You’ve spent enough time allowing someone else’s actions dictate your effectiveness and happiness. Forgive, forget and be free.
• Spend time with yourself, alone. One of the most harrowing things my coach challenged me to do was to spend five minutes a day looking at myself in the mirror. Not to put on makeup or do my hair, but simply to be with myself. Initially, it was difficult. I saw flaws, imperfections in my skin, grey hairs, tired and unfamiliar eyes. But as the days went on, I began to see myself as a beautiful, powerful, unique individual. I challenge you to spend this kind of time getting to know, or create, yourself.
• Create hope. We live in a world that often feels hopeless. We are surrounded by bitterness, hatred and violence. We experience disappointment constantly. What there is to get is that hope is something that exists within us and independent of the external world. Just as we have the power to dissolve fear, we also have the power to create hope. Our minds are ours to do with what we please. Despite whatever hardships you’ve faced, and despite whatever you’re up against now, there is endless possibility for new and good things for your life. Create it. Believe in it.

For a more personalized approach to living powerfully and authentically, contact me for one on one coaching!

When my family and I made the choice to adopt a healthier lifestyle, one of our biggest worries was how that decision would impact our wallets. We were able to up our grocery budget a little, but we really didn’t want to spend a lot more. We still had a kid in diapers and we’ve been on a mission to pay off debt. So learning to eat healthy on a budget was absolutely critical. Once I started the AI Protocol and began making separate meals for the boys and for myself, learning to save on groceries became even more necessary.

Our very first trip to Whole Foods, Trader Joe’s AND Target to get all of the necessary organics, produce, meats, etc wound up costing us WAY over our usual budget. But it was a good starting point. Over the past year or so, I’ve come up with some cash-saving tips to help us eat healthy for half the cost. We’ve learned to make it work because we had to. If we can do it, YOU can do it. Here’s how!

1. Meal Plan. Creating a meal plan and sticking to it is the easiest way to cut down on spending. By creating a meal plan, and a corresponding grocery list, you eliminate excess spending AND waste. Just make sure you ONLY buy what’s on your list and don’t give in to sales or those tempting treats at the check-out. Tip: Always use one night’s dinner for the next day’s lunch to ensure you’re using up all of the leftovers! Tip 2: There are TONS of free meal plan templates available for download on the internet.

2. Shop in Bulk. Places like Sam’s Club & Costco offer a lot of bulk foods that can be stored until later use. They even carry quite a few healthy ad organic options.

3. Eat eggs. All the time. Eggs are a healthy, inexpensive food that be used in countless ways from a frittata to a cauliflower pizza crust!

4. STOP eating out. All of those pizzas you’re ordering or drive-through runs to McDonald’s?? They’re not just leading you closer to heart failure and diabetes. They’re eating away at your wallet, too! Cut out the crap and start cooking healthy foods. Your body and your bank account will thank you later.

5. Buy produce that’s in season, when it’s cheapest. Or, buy frozen fruits and veggies, which are less expensive than the off-season fresh ones.

6. If you can’t afford to buy all organic, stick to organic for the dirty dozen and buy the rest of your produce at the less expensive rate. What are the dirty dozen? They are the fruits and vegetables that contain the highest amount of pesticide contamination, so you want to avoid that exposure by purchasing organic when possible. Check out this handy chart for reference!

7. Join a Community Supported Agriculture program (or CSA). You can receive a shipment of fresh, organic produce weekly, biweekly or monthly. A lot of CSAs also have bulk meats available for purchase. To find a CSA in your area, go here.

8. Visit your local Farmer’s Market for great deals on fresh fruits and vegetables. Even better? Go shortly before closing time when you can negotiate the prices or find already-reduced items.

9. If you see a theme here about produce, there’s a reason. Vegetables are healthy, versatile and pretty inexpensive. Instead of loading up on expensive meats at the grocery store, add more veggies to your diet. You should be consuming around 5-7 servings of vegetables daily anyway, so here’s another chance to increase your wealth & your wellness!

I hope this helps you as you begin your journey to health & happiness. As always, if you’re looking for a more structured nutrition plan or program with one-on-one support, please feel free to contact me here!

Now that we’ve gotten that love fest out of the way, let’s talk cake. Not THAT kind of cake. I’m talking about the kind of cake that honors the perfect union between pig and fermented cabbage. Okay, that doesn’t sound very appetizing, but trust me, IT IS!! It’s like wedding cake, only better. Because these are AIP & Paleo friendly, and healthy enough that you can eat them all!! Or save some for later. Your choice.

Okay, I’m really done this time. On to the cakes.

I have to eat fermented foods daily as a part of my gut healing treatment. I haven’t always been the biggest fan of sauerkraut. But… it’s a superfood with super powers (that’s another story) so I eat it alot. And it really is growing on me. Now that I’ve created THESE, I might even say that I love it. (But not in the same way that pork loves it. I’m not a homewrecker.)

Okay, ok. I now pronounce….Sorry. Here’s the recipe.

Fried Pork & ‘Kraut Cakes
Serves 3-4

Ingredients:

1 lb. High Quality Ground Pork
2 Cups Sauerkraut (drained and patted dry)
1/4 Onion, finely chopped
1 Small Sweet Potato, steamed and mashed
1 tsp Fresh Rosemary, finely chopped
1 tsp Fresh Basic, finely chopped
1 tsp Salt
1/2 cup Coconut Oil for frying.

Directions:

1. Mix all ingredients (except coconut oil) in large bowl until well-mixed.
2. Heat oil in skillet until it sizzles with a sprinkle of water.
3. Form 1 1/2 to 2 inch round balls and flatten.
4. Cook on medium heat for 7-10 minutes per side, or until fully cooked.

Once they’re cooked through, serve hot and crispy! I like to pair these with applesauce and some Roasted Sweet Potato & Cauliflower Mash.

I have been able to reintroduce ghee and eggs successfully, which has broadened my baking horizons tremendously. So I started playing around in the kitchen in search of a tortilla/pita substitute. I wanted to be able to make tacos without using lettuce as the shell. And I wanted to eat a gyro. I figured the two would be possible with two separate recipes, but I ended up discovering the perfect solution to both with these wraps. And you will not believe how easy they are!

Sidenote: I have tried some other Paleo tortilla recipes, including those that use cauliflower or plantains as the base. But, in my experience, they are far more complicated and not nearly as good!

So, let’s get to it. There are gyros to be made!

Paleo Tortillas
Prep Time: 10 minutes Cook Time: 5 minutes

Ingredients:
2 Free Range Eggs
1 tsp Melted Ghee or Coconut Oil
1 tbsp Water
1/4 cup Arrowroot Powder
1 tsp Coconut Flour
a Pinch of Sea Salt

Instructions:
1. Heat 8″ skillet over medium heat.
2. Whisk eggs, ghee (or coconut oil) and water in medium-sized bowl.
3. Add in dry ingredients and mix well until fully combined.
4. Pour in batter and roll around until evenly coated. Tortilla will start to lift around edges.
5. Cook for one minute on each side.

Enjoy!

**Makes 2-3 tortillas, depending on thickness. Use 1/3 batter per tortilla or 1/2 batter for thicker wraps such as gyros.

Bacon, Egg & Veggie Wrap.

I spent the majority of my adulthood, and part of my adolescence, dealing with unexplained and undiagnosed health issues. I spent countless hours googling, researching and attempting to diagnose myself. I was bounced from doctor to doctor, underwent unending diagnostics, blood work and even surgeries. I never got answers. And I never got better.

I did begin to learn a lot about my body and the likelihood that I was probably suffering from an autoimmune disease. My primary care doctor and two rheumatologists told me that they suspected Lupus, but no one was ready to make a diagnosis. I had symptoms that were atypical to Lupus and more in line with other autoimmune diseases, only those antibodies were not present. Only the Lupus antibodies were present. But I did not receive a diagnosis of Lupus. Only a reassurance that it was possible, even likely, but not certain. Just this scary word, this scary future, being thrown at me. So still, no answers. And without answers, no treatment. Actually, that’s not entirely true. I had an arsenal of meds that only made me feel worse. But there was no clear treatment PLAN. Just a continuously growing list of prescription medications and unexplained symtpoms.

The more I suffered, the more I was forced to become my own advocate. I sought out to learn about autoimmune disease, what causes it and how to treat it. I started to read about the Autoimmune Protocol and it’s ability to reverse these diseases and put symptoms into remission. It seemed far better to me than a life sentence to steroids and poor quality of life. But, it was a drastic change. And without that coveted diagnosis, I wasn’t sure it would be worth it. I didn’t even really know WHAT was wrong with me, so why undertake something that BIG if it may not even work?

I tried to eat healthy, clean food most of the time. It helped, to some degree. But I didn’t understand the scope of what was happening inside my body. I was working out really hard. I was drinking wine regularly. I was staying up way too late. I was putting my child’s needs before my own. I was dealing with ongoing stress triggers. I was spending hours in the sun. I now know that ALL of those things can send autoimmune disease into an out-of-control flare. But I didn’t know that then.

This past year, it all caught up with me and I became sick. Sick is a word I despise. My son walks around pretending to be “sick” and it’s gut-wrenching. Sick is a word that’s used far too often in my home, and it’s a part of our daily lives. I hate that with every ounce of my being.

My body shut down in August. It started to reject everything I put into it, and onto it. It just wouldn’t function. I was lost and desperate. I needed to find answers and, more than that, I needed to find help. I had exhausted all of my options in mainstream medicine, and lost all of my faith that my help would come from there. I prayed for direction. And in the midst of an episode of acute nausea, vomiting, insomnia and incessant googling for answers, I found it.

I filled out an inquiry in hopes that Dr. Cole would see me. Dr. Cole is a Functional Medicine Doctor who specializes in treating unexplained conditions on the autoimmune spectrum. He sees patients across the globe via Skype, but his office happens to be 10 minutes from my house. He takes on only serious cases and only cases that he believes he can treat successfully. I had grown accustomed to being told “I can’t help you” so my expectations were low, but still I had hope.

I got the call back for an evaluation and met Dr. Cole a week later. He was kind and knowledgable. And he LISTENED. He listened to my concerns, he believed them and he understood what they were. He was able to tell me what was happening with my body right away. It was a tremendous relief, until he went over the treatment plan with us and, ultimately, what it would cost. I broke down right there. How could God drag me through all of this, and finally lead me to an answer just to tell me that I couldn’t have it? I wasn’t going to get better, ever.

My husband and I left the office without speaking. I just prayed. I prayed with everything in me that God would provide a way. And He did. After sitting down and looking at our options, we were able to make it happen and I began treatment a few weeks later. I knew that the biggest part of my treatment would be adopting the Autoimmune Protocol (AIP), in addition to herbal supplements, vitamin supplements, natural medicines, fasts, and the like. I was ready, though. I didn’t have a choice.

AIP stands for the Autoimmune Protocol. It’s a variation of the Paleo diet and it’s used to treat Autoimmune disease and conditions on the Autoimmune spectrum. AIP is an elimination diet that excludes any and all foods that cause irritation to the gut. The diet does not allow ANY ALCOHOL, GRAINS, DAIRY, NUTS, SEEDS, LEGUMES, NIGHTSHADES or spices/seasons containing any of the previous. It is not for the faint of heart. But, since nearly all of your immune system lies within the gut, almost all autoimmune response begins their as well. This diet is the only way to HEAL the body rather than masking the symptoms of autoimmune disease, but it can take years to put the body into full remission.

In my case, my gut was so severely permeated that everything I ate caused further irritation and allowed undigested food to leak into the bloodstream. Undigested food is TOXIC to the blood. Blood cells have to work overtime to break those toxins down. This is where my body learned to attack itself. My blood cells were working so hard to combat the constant flow of toxins into the bloodstream that they could no longer distinguish what was healthy and what was unhealthy. They started to attack everything, including other blood cells. Once that faulty process began, it became impossible for my blood cells to properly absorb and transport vitamins, nutrients, hormones, etc. So now I’m left with a number of chronic deficiencies that play out in a number of different ways. In addition, that learned autoimmune response has spread to my stomach, skin cells and possibly other organs as well. The extent of the AI response in my body is unknown.

The AIP diet essentially allows the gut to heal by eliminating irritants and gives the immune system an opportunity to calm down. The hope, of course, is that some foods will ultimately be reintroduced successfully. But there is no guarantee of that and each case is different. As I stated above, the healing process can take years. I am working with Dr. Cole toward a one-year goal of remission. I am doing everything in my power to reach that goal. I began treatment on November 4th and I’m 3 months in. I’ve had quite a few setbacks, and also a few victories. I am making progress, slowly but surely. And I have my eye on the prize. I know that this is the only option for me if I want to be healthy. I know that this is the only path to a happy, fulfilling life. I’m far too young to throw in the towel on health. My husband and son deserve the best version of me and that is what I’m fighting for.

I know that medical science is the prominent source of treatment in today’s world. But medical science failed me. And it’s failing others just like me everyday. Modern medicine is decades behind when it comes to diagnosing and treating autoimmune disease and unidentified AI spectrum conditions. The reason for that is because of it’s model of care. Did you know that much of what is learned in medical school is pharmaceuticals and that pharmaceutical companies actually support a large number of medical schools financially? What are the implications of that? Medical doctors are trained to diagnose a condition based on a clearly indicated list of symptoms, and then match that diagnosis with a corresponding medication. That means that if a person’s symptoms do not fit perfectly into a diagnostic box, they will likely not be diagnosed. At least not easily. Even if said person does happen to receive a diagnosis, it’s likely to be as simplistic and inadequate as the corresponding Rx used to treat it. Medicine should not be aimed at disguising illness, but rather at finding the root cause of the problem and working to heal the body. And medicine should not be one-size-fits-all. Every person, every body is unique. That has never been truer than in dealing with the AI spectrum.

Now that I’ve bored you with that, let’s just bring it back around to WHY I am sharing this. I DID find answers. I found them by going outside of mainstream medicine and seeking a doctor who truly understands the way all bodily systems work in conjunction with one another and how to treat chronic illness as a whole. Not everyone will be able to afford to see a functional med doc, and that’s unfortunate. But there is a movement building and perhaps the American model of care will begin to shift. Until then, there is the Autoimmune Protocol.

AIP can be adopted by anyone at anytime. There is a wealth of knowledge, evidence, insight and resources available on the internet about AIP, how to begin and why. I won’t lie to you and say that it’s an easy change to make. It’s not. It comes with an off-and-on sense of deprivation and isolation. But it carries the promise of a better future, and that makes it worth it.

If you’ve been diagnosed with an autoimmune disease, or if you’re dealing with undiagnosed chronic illness or suspect you may fall somewhere on the AI spectrum and are interested in learning more about AIP and how you can fit it into your life, please feel free to contact me.

Many prayers and blessing for health & happiness.

Photo Credit: Krystipher Medellin, https://www.facebook.com/DiamondbackPhotography/.

The Beginning of an End:

So, I haven’t blogged in awhile and I want to address the reasons why. If you know me personally, then it should come as no surprise that I’m writing this. Either way, my hope is that through reading my story, you will take away from it a message. A message about why taking care of your body needs to be a priority in your life. It just has to. Like it or not.

Although I don’t have an official diagnosis, all of my doctors agree that my body is sick. Well, actually, I have a list of diagnoses, but none of them actually explain or justify what’s going on with me. I have what they call “autoimmune response”, which isn’t an official diagnosis, and certainly not one that would justify my health insurance company paying for any of my prescription medications. I have spent the past decade bouncing from doctor to doctor, diagnostic to diagnostic, without ever receiving any affirmation of what is causing my symptoms. All the while, my body’s ability to function, along with my quality of life, has been steadily declining. No one disputes this, yet no one has answers.

I’ve talked about this before on my Facebook page, but I want to mention it here as well, because it’s really important. It’s important because I know a lot of other women who are facing similar struggles, and each of them deserves better than what my experience has been. One of the most difficult aspects of living with chronic illness is the isolation. Any chronic illness comes with the need to withdraw socially. Not by choice, but by necessity. I can’t predict my sickness. I don’t know when a flare will occur, or when an acute episode will strike. Making plans is difficult for this reason, as is keeping the plans I’ve already made.

When you have a label for your disease, a “diagnosis”, people can be sympathetic to this need to withdraw. But without it, a lot of people simply don’t get it. “There’s nothing wrong with her, she’s just a hypochondriac” or “She’s making herself sick with that anxiety” or “She’s so unreliable, she doesn’t care about me”. These are the attitudes I’ve been received with far too often. It makes me angry. It makes me angry on behalf of my husband and son who have to live every day with a wife and a mama who isn’t well. It makes me angry for all of the times my husband has had to defend me or explain my absence, for all of the times he’s had to take off work to care for our son because I couldn’t get out of bed, for all of the times my son has pulled on my sleeve saying “mommy, mommy” wanting me to play with him, but I can’t. I want to shout it from the rooftops, if only I had the energy, “This is not my choice. This is not the way I CHOOSE to live.”

But enough about that. It doesn’t matter if it’s a choice or not. This is my life.

I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I am genetically predisposed for an autoimmune disease. Autoimmune disease is present on both sides of my family. But I don’t technically have one, at least one that has been identified. So why is my body attacking itself?

Here’s where it gets ugly. The truth of the matter is that I have abused my body for a very long time. When I was a teenager, I began to poison my body with cigarettes, drugs and alcohol. Good nutrition was non-existent. I ate only foods like pizza, fast food and candy. This continued into my twenties, until I eventually calmed down on the drug use. I continued to smoke cigarettes and eat highly processed foods until I was 30 years old. I had also developed a new habit of drinking energy drinks daily. This lifestyle, combined with my inability to deal with stress, was destroying my body on the inside. But I didn’t know it until it was too late. Or so I thought.

I started to get sick in the Fall of 2010, after I got married. Looking back, it had been one of the most stressful times in my life. Planning a wedding, maintaining a 4.0 in school and a toxic living situation that forced my husband and I to move out of our home for a month, and the stress of it all triggered something in my body that had been underlying for years.

I began to experience nausea everyday. Then I began to experience cognitive issues, like memory lapses and forgetting where I was. Then came the headaches, muscle aches, joint pain. And then, the acute episodes of horrible sickness. And, eventually, the crippling fatigue. Suddenly I could no longer take Micah to the library for an hour without it feeling like I had ran a marathon. It took me days to recover. The simplest things became so difficult for me. I felt like I was 100 years old. Worse, actually. I remember talking with our elderly neighbors and thinking “Why do they feel better than I do? Why do they get to be healthy and have energy?”

But again, enough of that. It doesn’t matter. What matters is this: I am here. I am alive. And I will not give up my fight for a healthier body.

Which is what led me to Dr. Cole, a functional medicine doctor. After spending endless hours of midnight googling, I found Dr. Cole through God’s grace. I’ve received a lot of God’s grace in my lifetime, of this I have no doubt. I began treatment with Dr. Cole only 6 days ago, and I am already feeling a notable improvement. He and I both are confident about my body’s ability to be healed. It’s not an easy road, though. I am on an incredibly strict diet, which is not for the faint hearted. But my will power is solid, because it stands on my only hope for a brighter future for myself and my family.

My biggest struggle recently has been an emotional one. Not so much over having to give up so many things, and not even over the isolation. The struggle comes from my passion to help other people find happiness and health. It is also my job. But how can I do it? How can I lead people to better health when I don’t yet have it myself? Why would someone accept my offer to help them improve their health when I am so sick? How can I possibly do my job?

But the truth, again, is that my story and my sickness make me even more qualified and more motivated to help people work toward better health. I have seen what poor lifestyle choices can do to a body. I’ve lived it! And I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy, if I had one. If I can prevent just one person from becoming sick the way I did, then I will consider myself a success.

More and more women are falling victim to chronic digestive issues, chronic pain and chronic fatigue without resolution. Why? Because of the “food” and toxins that we put onto and into our bodies. It could happen to you, and I pray that it doesn’t. But let me help you make sure that it doesn’t! Take control of your health now before it’s too late. I can help you. We can do it together. I invite you to join me on this journey by being a part of my next health & fitness support group run entirely through Facebook. I promise that I will hold your virtual hand, and together we will work towards better health. You don’t have to be on a crazy diet like me, you don’t have to love working out. All you have to do is say yes to a healthy YOU.

Because this post is all about truth, I want to end with this statement: You only get one body, so treat it well.

60 Days Into Treatment:

I’ve spent quite a bit of time this week in reflection of the year past. 2014 was by far the most challenging of my life. I have been struggling with chronic illness for nearly a decade but, in August, I became very sick while at the beach and never really recovered. My health declined steadily and rapidly after that, until daily functioning was more than I could handle.

After many years of being bounced around between doctors, chasing a diagnosis and being labeled a conundrum, my husband and I decided to seek care from a Functional Medicine doctor. Within weeks he was able to determine the cause of my vast array of health issues and determine a course of action.

I am experiencing an autoimmune response of the blood cells in my body, meaning they are too busy attacking themselves to properly absorb vitamins, nutrients, hormones and the like. As a result, I am suffering from a number of deficiencies and all of the side effects that result from those deficiencies. Virtually every part of my body has been affected by this abnormal function of the immune system.

My treatment is holistic, using nutrition and herbal supplements to calm the immune system, heal the gut, detox the liver and replace some of the most extreme deficiencies, such as Vitamin D and Iron, as my body is able to tolerate them. My diet is extremely limited, and I am really only able to eat vegetables (9 cups daily, which is almost impossible) as well as limited meats and fruits. I am unable to eat sugar, grains, dairy, eggs, nuts, seeds, legumes or nightshades. Of course, I began this treatment right before Thanksgiving and have had to recreate all of my holiday meals according to the Autoimmune Protocol. It’s been a true test of my inner strength and willpower. Luckily, I have been permitted a few glasses of holiday wine to combat the sense of deprivation and social isolation.

This treatment, while effective, has been a very slow process with many setbacks. And I am only sixty days in. It’s also come with a powerful emotional element which I did not expect. I experienced a period of mourning when I began the diet. At first, I was mourning the loss of so many foods, but I soon realized that what I was actually mourning was the loss of normalcy, perhaps forever. I could no longer have a meal in a restaurant, or at someone’s home. I felt isolated and abnormal. I was grieving my previous life and learning to accept my new reality. Keeping my eye on the prize is critical. My doc informed me from the start that I was likely looking at a twelve month recovery process to get my symptoms into remission and, even after that, my life would never be the same. He has been amazing, is incredibly supportive and I finally feel that I have someone who will listen to me and help me get healthy. I am incredibly focused on doing everything in my power to heal my body. I have to, for the sake of my family.

Which brings me to the incredible blessings of 2014.

I can think of at least a thousand moments spent with my son that make all of the sickness obsolete. His smile, his laugh, his curiosity and love of knowledge. Watching him learn to speak, dance, sing songs, give kisses. His cuddles and silliness before he falls asleep in my arms. Every single moment spent with him has been a blessing.

And then there’s my husband, the most amazing man God could ever have placed in my life. He has always been my best friend, but this past year has redefined the love I have for him. Through all of the sickness, and every way that it’s impacted our lives, no matter how big or small, he has always made sure I am taken care of and that our son is taken care of. He cooks, cleans, changes diapers, gives baths, does laundry, grocery shops weekly at three different stores to get all of the things I need for my diet. He forgives all of my weaknesses and intolerances, and never loses patience with me. He gets up with our son in the night if he wakes up and every weekend so that I can sleep. He supports me in my work. He stands behind every decision I make. He tells me I’m beautiful when I haven’t showered or brushed my teeth. He tells me I’m a good mom when I’ve been on the couch all day sick. He tells me I’m perfect when I’m anything but. He gives and gives and gives, and never takes. He is so gracious and so kind.

I would never have made it through this past year without my husband, my best friend. As long as I live, I will never be able to express my gratitude for his love and support. I will never be able to repay him. But he is perfectly fine with that. I am truly blessed to have such an strong, selfless man to call my husband.

I am determined to become healthy this year, and to become the mother my son deserves and the wife my husband deserves. I am determined to make 2015 the best year of my life. I am determined to get well and get on with living life.

I am also determined to help as many people as possible live healthier, happier lives. I have been blessed by God to have found a job that allows me to do just that, while still being home with my son and focusing on healing. I had no idea when I became a health & fitness coach that it would become my true calling. But it did. I have lived with the effects of chronic illness, and I have learned first-hand how important it is to take care of the body I’ve been given. I have been blessed, even through this illness, to realize the importance of my work. I will spend this coming year sharing my message and providing people with the tools they need to improve their quality of life and prevent the type of illness that I’m still battling every day.

Diagnosis – 710.0:

Yesterday I saw my Rheumatologist and he gave me something that I wasn’t quite expecting. A diagnosis. I’ve struggled with how to let people know because I have very mixed emotions about it. On one hand, it’s an answer. It’s a concrete, affirmation of everything that’s been going on for the past 20 years of my life. It’s a label, an explanation for why I feel this way. It’s a valid excuse for all of the things that I’d rather not do because they’re too challenging.

On the other hand, though, it’s a label. One that comes with a stigma and a prognosis. And I don’t like that. Partly because I’m a bit of a control freak. Partly because it’s not my style to have limitations put on me. And also because I suppose I’ve had the liberty of living with some degree of denial about how sick my body is. Without that diagnosis, I’ve been able to convince myself (on good days) that I am just a little bit sick. No big deal.

But there it is. I left my doctor’s office yesterday with a piece of paper clearly indicating my diagnosis. 710.0: Systemic Lupus Erythematosus (SLE). Everything has changed. But really, nothing has. Or maybe it’s somewhere in between.

I was shocked when my doctor said the word “Lupus”, but I’m not entirely sure why. Perhaps it’s because I’ve grown accustomed to not having answers. Or maybe it’s just because I’ve been so focused on healing my body that I really didn’t expect it. But the truth is I’ve heard a number of doctors throw the word “Lupus” at me. It’s been the suspected diagnosis for several years. So why was I so surprised to hear it confirmed? Officially? I don’t know.

It was a strange feeling as I walked out of his office and attempted to digest the news. Earlier in the day, I had been looking at photos from when we took Micah to his first concert, and it made me sad to see how happy and seemingly healthy I was at the time. I thought of that as I walked to the elevator. I was sort of numb, I guess. But part of me felt like the life I once had was gone forever. I got in the car and told my husband. His reaction, I could tell, was the same as mine. There wasn’t much to say. We were just taking it in.

I was glad that we had plans to attend another concert that night at church. I needed a distraction and I needed some spiritual healing. Ironically, or maybe not at all, the theme of the evening was God’s victory over all things. “GOD IS ALWAYS VICTORIOUS.” That’s what I kept hearing last night. I held my son and danced with him and for a moment, everything was perfect. And I knew that I was exactly where I was meant to be at that moment, and in life.

Today is a new day. But I still can’t say it. I haven’t spoken the words “I have Lupus.” In fact, this is the first time I’ve even typed it. I don’t even know what having Lupus means for me.

But I know what it doesn’t mean. It doesn’t mean that I will never be well. It doesn’t mean that I will discontinue treatment with Dr. Cole. It doesn’t mean that I will stop focusing on healing my body naturally and improving my quality of life. And it sure as hell doesn’t mean that I’m going to throw in the towel and stop fighting for a long, healthy, fulfilling life with my husband and son. I have so much love and support and a God that is always victorious. I’ve got all I need for a win.

I have Lupus. But I’m still me. I’m still a fighter. And I still have plenty of living to do.

I have Lupus. But Lupus does not define me. And it never will.

Update:

Wow. It’s hard to believe that six months have passed since I began my treatment with a Functional Medicine Doc. Its amazing to look back and see what I was able to accomplish and how much progress I’ve made in healing my body. But it hasn’t been easy.

I have to admit that the first three months were very difficult. I started the AI Protocol just a couple of weeks before the holiday season. I had to navigate my way through Thanksgiving, my son’s birthday party and several Christmas get-togethers without being able to eat any of the foods that were being served.

Thanksgiving was very difficult, because my family didn’t really understand or support the choices I was making with my health. I chose to stay home and make my own turkey and fixings, which went surprisingly well for my first time! I was pretty proud of my little turkey

The tension with my family grew, and my sister took it personally that we had chose to miss Thanksgiving because it was just too difficult to make it work on our end. She refused to come to my son’s birthday party and decided that she would not allow me to see her two children either. I was incredibly hurt, and couldn’t really understand why she was so angry with me. But I had to accept it. When Christmas rolled around, things became extremely stressful and the progress I had made up to that point was lost. My body doesn’t react well physically to severe and chronic stress. I spent the majority of the month of December being very sick again.

January was a welcome change. I committed to taking better care of myself mentally and emotionally, and separating myself from the things that were keeping me from getting better. I was excited for a new year, a fresh start for my family, my health and my business, all of which had suffered over the months prior. I did have a few more setbacks from the extreme cold, but I continued to stick to my treatment and power through. Once the cold weather broke, I started to feel much better. Almost normal!

At the 6 month mark, I underwent a fully comprehensive food intolerance test to determine what I may be able to reintroduce into my diet. I was really nervous because I knew that there would be some things that I wasn’t tolerating that I’d have to eliminate. But I was hopeful for some new additions and had my eye on a few things in particular; tomatoes, cheese and Shakeology, of course!

When my doc called to go over the results with me, I was like a kid at Christmas! I did have to eliminate a few staples in my diet, like onions, broccoli, ginger and bananas (Wha?!? I LOVE bananas!!) But the news overall was great! I am now able to have tomatoes and all other nightshades, including spices! I can also have CHEESE!!! I wanted cheese so bad, but didn’t have much hope for it, so it was fantastic to hear that it was a yes! And the biggest victory of all, for me, was getting the green light on Shakeology! Because it contains quinoa and goji berries, two things I wasn’t able to have initially, I had to forgo it for 6 whole months. My energy levels, my hair and fingernails and my digestive tract were desperate for that superfood goodness! So being able to reintroduce Shakeology was a HUGE victory. Since then, I’ve been able to successfully reintegrate a lot of foods into my diet on a “sometimes” basis. I still stick mainly to a paleo diet and do regular fasting to maintain gut health.

When I look back at my life right before I began this treatment, I had very little hope. My body was rejecting nearly every food I put into it. I spent several days a week curled up on the couch, too nauseated to move, unable to function. My son was the only thing giving me the will to live. I wondered if I would be forced to live the rest of my life in such misery.

Today, my life is completely different. It’s not perfect. I’m living with a chronic illness that will forever dictate the way I live my life. But I’m learning to give my body the nourishment, love and respect that it deserves. And I’m working hard to share that knowledge and that hope with other people who are battling Autoimmune Disease. I feel better physically and stronger mentally. And I have grown to see this illness as a blessing because of the opportunity it’s given me to connect with other people and help them to make their health a priority as well.

I am so grateful for all of the love, support and prayers I have received from all of you out there since I began this journey to wellness. If you are struggling with AID or any chronic illness, please feel free to reach out to me for information or support.

All my love,
Kristin