I get it. It’s a harsh world out there for singles. Things have gotten seemingly impossible on the dating front. Feminism has swept in, suppressing men in all sorts of ways. A lot of guys have responded to that with extremes. On one hand, you’ve got the guys desperate for a meaningful connection with no idea how to find it. On the other, you’ve got the fuckboys, terrified of meaningful connections and desperate for validation and attention. Social media has become a cesspool of both; the perfect outlet for hounding women by the masses, playing a numbers game in hopes of finding someone to take the bait.

It must be exhausting, guys!! Think of all the time spent inboxing all those ladies…you’d probably be halfway done with an MBA or traveled halfway across the world with that time. Maybe met a nice chick in your corporate finance class or connected with a beautiful Italian goddess on some nude beach. Instead, you sit on your couch scrolling and scrolling, messaging and messaging, hoping to find what you’re looking for https://prasethpheapfinance.com/ finance legend.

To the guys out there still swimming around in your own unresolved issues, looking for women desperate enough to fuel your constant need for attention but too insecure to ever give someone your heart, this isn’t for you. Should the time come that you find the courage to connect with your authentic self and true desire for love, reach out to me for a free consult.

For the rest of you guys, the ones really searching for that special someone to share your life with, this is for you. After hundreds of conversations with single women, I’ve created a how-to (or how-not-to) on connecting with women.

When sliding into a girl’s DM, proceed with caution. This strategy is so overused that Facebook has now created their own dating software. Women get messages like this everyday. Its unoriginal, tired and a little creepy at times. If you’re going to resort to this tactic, do it with some tact.

• Do NOT begin the conversation with “Hey gorgeous”, “Hey [insert pet name]” or any other variation of this.
• DO introduce yourself as if you were meeting her face to face.

• Do NOT compliment her on her looks. It makes you seem superficial, egotistical and, again, creepy.
• DO offer a genuine compliment that shows you’ve taken an authentic interest in her life.

• Do NOT send unsolicited photos of yourself. Not selfies, not your kids, not your car, and definitely not your junk.
• Do NOT ask her to send photos of herself to you. If you’re already creeping her social media, you’ve seen as much as you deserve as a stranger.

• Do NOT talk about sex. Or anything sexual. Don’t ask her what her favorite position is, don’t tell her you’re a freak, don’t ask her to sit on your face. Just stop.
• DO ask her what she enjoys, about her hobbies, favorite foods….clues on where to take her should you keep it cool long enough to get her to agree to meeting you. Keep the conversation light, avoid any serious topics like politics, religion, past relationships, childhood trauma, etc.

If at any point, you don’t get a response or the chick lets you know she’s not interested, move along gracefully. There’s no need to throw a temper tantrum, start insulting her or any other display of your butt-hurtness. You are not entitled to anyone’s time. She doesn’t owe you anything. Remember, you’ve been playing a numbers game all along and you know it. Next!

If, however, things are going well and she seems interested in getting to know you, there are some other things to be mindful of.

Wait, rewind. Let’s back up for just a quick sec. How do you know she’s interested in getting to know you??? If she’s engaging in the conversation, meaning thoughtful responses and reciprocal questions. If you’re getting one word answers, it’s a dead end.

Okay, back to it. Conversation is flowing between you and this lovely lady. What next? Allow me to throw you a curve ball. Ask if it’s okay to call her. WHOA, now. Remember the good old days when you had to call a girl on the phone? Well, maybe not. But it was a thing and here’s why. It’s really impossible to form an organic connection, sense real chemistry and build healthy sexual tension over a screen. Texting and messaging just doesn’t allow for all of those warm fuzzy feelings you get from looking into a person’s eyes or hearing their voice. So cut the immature, lazy crap and step up your game. Ask her if you can call her to get to know her better. If she says yes, congrats!! If she says no, refer to three paragraphs up.

So now, if you’ve made it far enough to get her phone number, kudos. You’re killing it and learning some valuable stuff along the way. Now you actually have to call her. I know, I know, it’s way scarier than sitting behind the safety of your phone screen typing. Now you’ve gotta put your communication skills to the test. Here are some tips.

• Ask questions and engage in active listening. Take in what she’s saying. It’ll help you get to know and understand her and what she’s looking for, ie. so you can provide it. (Remember that crazy time before feminism when men were considered the providers?? That doesn’t just mean money, bros. It means security, happiness, etc.)
• Don’t whine and complain about your job, finances, ex girlfriend, dog with explosive diarrhea, or anything else. Being able to bitch about life is one of the perks of a relationship, but you’re not there yet. She’s sizing you up for your character, your ability to be strong, adaptable, proactive, lead and handle shit.
• Don’t talk about yourself constantly to impress her. Instead, be vulnerable and share something personal. Authenticity breeds authenticity. Nothing makes a girl feel more safe than a guy willing to let down his guard and be real with her.
• Take the initiative and show effort. Do what you say you’ll do, don’t leave her hanging and when she agrees to go out with you, take the time to plan something that acknowledges her interests (you should have been paying attention to this!!) Hint: Don’t take her to Applebees. If she’s a vegan, find a cool vegan spot. If she says she’s always wanted to go to Paris, find a Parisian restaurant. If she’s competitive and loves sports, take her ax throwing. Make her feel special, like she isn’t just a number in the game.

Finally, if you feel like you’ve found someone special, go all in. Give up the game altogether. Stop messaging other women. Brag about her to your friends and family. Treat her right and marry her before some other poor guy behind a screen slides into her DM. ; )

1. Let go of expectations. We all cling to certain standards of how we want people to think about us and act toward us. We want to feel valued and cared for. The problem with that is that there’s no universality in what that looks like from one person to another. We cannot reasonably expect another person to be exactly what we want them to be. Imposing our expectations onto others is not only unfair, it’s disempowering to both people involved. It sets us up for perpetual disappointment and frustration, and creates a constant scenario in which we view the other person as falling short or being wrong. Having a healthy relationship demands that we accept and embrace people for who they are, without resignation or resentment.

2. Communicate with purpose. Everyone wants to be heard, to be validated and, most of the time, to be right. Often times, communication becomes accusatory and counterproductive. The key to healthy communication is to have intentionality; that is an intention for the conversation. And here’s a hint….the intention should be to resolve the issue at hand, not to drag it out and make someone feel bad. When you express your concerns to someone, be mindful of how your words, tone and body language may be received by them. Be kind, patient and clear about what you need from the conversation. Take time to hear their perspective rather than interrupting or simply waiting for your turn to speak again. Remember, the goal is to complete the conflict and not to make things worse.

3. Be willing to let go of being right. Being right, as I stated above, is important to all of us. It’s justification for our not-so-elegant behavior, for our negative feelings and for our opportunity to hold a grudge. Taking a stance to be right, however, holds no real power. If we are right, inherently we are making someone else wrong, and that creates a space for all sorts of negativity in the relationship. Whenever conflict arises, it’s best to take the approach that no one is right or wrong, and that there is simply something that needs to be worked through. After all, any relationship between two people is a partnership, with common goals. Work together, not against each other.

4. Be willing to walk away. This is a tough one, particularly for us ladies. Walking away means giving in, surrendering, being weak, letting someone else win. Only it doesn’t mean any of things, not actually. There are times, in the midst of conflict, where you reach a stalemate. Whether you’re both tired, frustrated with the conversation or preoccupied with outside stresses, there is a point when you need to get that nothing productive is going to come from continuing the conversation at that moment in time. If it’s an important issue, you can come back to it when emotions have settled and you’ve both cleared your heads. If it’s something small and meaningless, it’s better to just let it go altogether. But walking away can be a healthy, empowering thing for a relationship when the communication truly has gotten beyond any effectiveness. Just do it with kindness, intention and clarity. Tip for the guys, this is not an excuse to get out of conversations on a regular basis!

5. Accept apologies, even when they aren’t verbal. You’re hurt. You’re angry. You’re frustrated. You feel betrayed, disappointed, overwhelmed. I get it. We all have those moments, and we have a tendency to want to linger in them. Remember, we get to justify our unsavory thoughts and actions when we remain in a place of victimhood. And the price we pay for that is happiness, empowerment and freedom. Let. It. Go. If someone apologizes for their fault, accept it and move on. No ifs, ands or buts. If someone doesn’t offer you a verbal apology, let it go anyway. Some people have a hard time with saying they’re sorry. But they will express their remorse in other ways, if you pay attention. Things like compliments, small favors, extra attention or an unusually happy disposition can be indicative of guilt. So accept their attempt at rectification and let them off the hook. It’s simple, everyone wins.

For a more personal approach to your relationship struggles at home, work and beyond, schedule a free consult with me!

Living a life without passion or purpose isn’t really living at all, is it? But how do we overcome that boredom that creeps not into our lives, but into our hearts? Simple. By keeping things fresh. By keeping ourselves busy. But not busy for the sake of being busy. We need to fill our time and space with things that renew our sense of joy, adventure and accomplishment.

Like anything else in this modern age, there are limitless options. But here’s a good starting point.

In Seeking Solitude

• Read a book. Spirituality, Personal Development, Romance, or even Horror. Find a quiet spot, get comfortable and get lost in the pages of a good book.
• Do some yoga. Even ten minutes of yoga can do wonders for the body, mind and spirit. Work up a sweat, get balanced and clear your mind of all your responsibilities.
• Organize. So much of our lives can feel out of control. Taking time to organize an aspect of your life can be both freeing and empowering. Spice rack? DVD collection? Dresser drawers? Taking on an organizational project will make you feel accomplished and less stressed.

In Seeking Knowledge

• Learn a foreign language. Always wanted to visit Paris? Start learning French. It will give you a new skill set and bring new life to your dream of traveling.
• Take a class. Anything from pottery making to the philosophy of time, enrolling in an education course can expand your knowledge base and give you an opportunity to meet some new people.
• Connect with a stranger. Strike up a conversation or arrange an interview with someone who’s life experience is likely to differ from your own. This is a great way to learn about other cultures, time periods and perspectives.

In Seeking Adventure

• Choose an activity that challenges or scares you. Skydiving and white water rafting are extremes, but even a short hike or taking a motorcycle driving class can be hugely fulfilling and empowering. Looking for something more regular/ How about taking a martial arts class to keep your blood flowing and build self-disicpline?!
• Plan a trip to someplace you’ve never been. If you’re on a tight budget, find an inexpensive room on Airbnb.
• Build something without building plans. An herb garden, a homemade wine rack or some shelves to display that collection of antique spoons you’ve had shoved in a drawer for years. Using blueprints is okay, if it makes you anxious to go it on your own. But getting creative, trusting your own judgment and making something that is uniquely representative to you can be fun and rewarding.

In Seeking Friendship

• Join a team or league. It’s easy to find ourselves overly committed to family and coworkers, but friendships are an important part of our social nature. Signing up for a local softball team or bowling league can provide a regular break from the responsibilities of our home and work lives and allow us to relax and enjoy some time with others.
• Volunteer. There are so many organizations doing amazing work for the community. But virtually all of them are under-resourced. Volunteering your time in a food bank, soup kitchen or children’s camp can help you build new relationships with people and gain a sense of purpose over your life.
• Find a pen pal. Seems unheard of, right? Actually, there are quite a few legitimate pen pal websites that help you connect with people all over the world. Make a new friend in a safe and supportive space and who knows, you may find your new BFF.

In Seeking Romance

• Plan a picnic. Pack some sandwiches, some wine (don’t forget the corkscrew!) and a blanket. Find a quiet spot. Enjoy! Day or night, picnics are a great, and inexpensive, way to treat your partner to a special evening.
• Dancing. Anything from live jazz to a dance club with a deejay, dancing is a great way to have fun, relieve stress and build sexual tension with that special someone.
• Share an adventure. Instead of flying solo, do something audacious with your lover. A kayak or canoe trip will allow for relaxed conversation while, at the same time, encourage teamwork. Or head to an amusement park and challenge yourselves to conquer the scariest ride there. It will help you build trust and create a sense of what you can accomplish together.
• Take a tour. Perhaps a carriage ride around town or a trip to a museum? A walking house tour or haunted history tour of a local neighborhood? Exploring together is a great opportunity to learn and grow as both individuals and a pair.

In Seeking Family

Connecting with our kids can be a challenge. Distinct interests and personalities, coupled with the daily demands of households, careers and activities, can make free time seem fleeting, and fun time all but absent. But children are actually simple creatures who thrive on only a sense of love and wonder. And it turns out, it’s not all that difficult to provide them with that.

• Go on a walkabout. I’m not talking about your everyday, ordinary walk around the neighborhood. A walkabout is a walk with purpose, and with the intention of escaping the mundane and immersing oneself in adventure. I take my son on walkabouts every week and each time we create a mission. We make lists of what we hope to find; things like feathers, caterpillars and berries. We commit to saying hello to any passers by. We pause to look at the sky, identify cloud types and make up stories about the cloud formations. These walks are such an amazing way to be present with him in the moment, feed his sense of wonder and give him knowledge about nature, kindness and spirituality. Such a simple activity can provide endless benefits.
• Baking. Kids of all ages love to make messes. And they love to create. Baking cutout cookies is a favorite in our house, any time of year. Cracking eggs, playing with the dough, making shapes and decorating with sprinkles and icing is an experience that gives kids a chance to get messy and learn while they develop confidence and pride in themselves. And the best reward? Cookies!
• Take a trip to a local farm. Apple picking, horseback riding and corn mazes are just a few of the fun activities children can find at local farms. This is another great way for the little ones to learn, laugh and burn off some energy!
• Build a fort. I bought my son a professional fort-making kit for his birthday a few years back. He loves it, but for me, it’s a bit too modern. Some of the best forts we’ve made are spontaneous, handmade and encompass the entire living room. Sheets, pillows, chairs, brooms, whatever we can find. Making a fort inside is the perfect way to spend a rainy day, or build one outside when the weather is nice.
• Camp out. I can recall, as a kid, camping out in my backyard. Making s’mores, telling ghost stories and falling asleep in a tent pitched outside the safety of my parents’ house and amidst a comfortable, family neighborhood. Now, my house backs up to woods and I feel a bit uneasy about letting my son camp outside on his own. So sometimes we camp out in the yard together. For older kids, setting up a tent in the yard is a great way to give them a sense of adventure and independence. In colder weather, or for younger children, set up a tent in the living room and have a pretend camp out, complete with s’mores!

The possibilities for creating purpose and adventure in your life truly are endless. Have an idea that’s not on this list? Leave a comment below!