• Leave the past where it belongs, behind you. We have a tendency to hang on stuff we don’t really need. Experiences and emotional pain are certainly no exception. The truth is that we have no reason to hang onto the things that have hurt us before. If it isn’t happening right now, then it has no real power of us. Forgive. Accept. Close the door. Declare that the past has no place in your present.
• Unclutter your space. Just as we tend to hang onto past experiences, we also love to junk up our lives with things we don’t need and that don’t serve us. Get rid of anything that isn’t bringing you peace or joy, or that distracts you from your passion and purpose in life. Donate your extra clothes to a shelter. Sell your gaming system and put the cash in your savings account. Clean off your desk at work. Having a clear space allows for better focus and more inner peace.
• Heal yourself. Most of us are guilty of neglecting ourselves in the form of our mental and physical health. If you’re not 100%, it’s difficult to be effective in any area of your life. Commit to caring for your body and mind. Eat healthy foods, drink water, move your body, meditate, get enough sleep. Do all of the things your body wants you to do, for you.
• Guard your energy. Toxic people are everywhere and misery loves company. Avoid getting caught up in drama, gossip or negative conversations. Instead, take control of your surroundings and gear the conversation towards positive, uplifting and empowering dialogue. It’s amazing how much power you have to influence how other people think and experience the world.
• Serve others. We are a self-obsessed society, and in almost all situations, we consider what we’re getting out of it. Take a different perspective and get present to what you can give to others in every waking moment. Help out a coworker, carry someone’s groceries, volunteer for a non-profit or shovel someone’s driveway. When you seek to help others without personal gain, you end up getting more than you give in the form of joy, fulfillment and connection.
• Be a team player. Remember self-obsession? We really need to work on this one. Whether you’re part of a company, a family, a sports team or just a part of society, being a team player is a critical skill if you want to live powerfully. No man is an island. Take time to listen and consider other people’s feelings and perspectives. Don’t interrupt. Don’t shut down ideas. Don’t criticize. Create a space for healthy, open communication and collaboration. When we work together, anything is possible.
• Stop complaining. Have you heard of the Law of Attraction? Well, it works, for better or worse. If you speak negativity, you will attract negativity. It’s that simple. Ever feel like you just keep getting slammed by life? It’s probably because you’re complaining, and you’re giving off a magnetic vibe that’s pulling more bad juju your way. So rather than complaining about what’s going wrong, take charge of your life. Control the controllable and think positive thoughts only.
• Affirm yourself and others daily. The power of positivity is remarkable. Start each day with positive affirmations to yourself about who you are, what you’re going to accomplish and what your life is going to be about. And don’t stop there. You really do have the power to impact the people around you and create a circle of positivity. We all love to acknowledged for who we are.  A genuine compliment goes a long way in making someone feel empowered and confident. So let the good vibes flow.
• Trust more, not less. Us humans spend so much time being fearful. We’re afraid of taking risks in our relationships, in our careers and in our passions. And, because we give that fear power over us, we actually stop ourselves from doing what we really want to do in our lives. This year, punch fear in the face. Do what you’re afraid of. Trust yourself, trust your instincts, trust the process, and trust others. The worst that can happen is that it doesn’t work out. But you’re tough. You’ll survive. I promise.
• Get back up. In the face of failure, remember that there is no failure. We fall down. Things don’t go as planned. So what? That’s part of the journey. It’s lessons learned and experience gained. As long as you get back up and keep moving forward, you’ll get there.
• Live your purpose. You know that seed in your heart that’s been there for as long as you can remember? That thing that makes your heart happy and sets your soul on fire? That thing is your purpose. It exists within you because you are meant to do it. So go do it. Without fear. Without hesitation. Without excuses.
• Practice gratitude. The simple act of counting your blessings daily energizes you more than you can imagine. Far too often, the amazing things in our life go unnoticed. We are distracted, overwhelmed and exhausted. Take a few minutes each morning to look at all you’ve been gifted.
• Smile often. Smiling actually burns calories, helps you look younger, improves your mood and creates a space where others feel safe and happy as well. Smiles are contagious and powerful, and universal. A smile can change the world, truly. So smile as often as possible.
• Be Happy. Happiness isn’t in in the past or the future. It isn’t found in success or wealth. Happiness is yours for the taking, right now and in this moment. Choose to be happy, regardless of your circumstance. Because, chances are, at this very moment, everything is just fine. And even if it’s not, the next moment is just around the corner.

My son’s father and I have remained friends. We have no legal custody or child support agreement and, for the most part, have worked together cohesively as parents. My current relationship, however, has been a source of contention for many reasons. As I came to realize the impact this might have on my son, and on his self-esteem, I became determined to do something about it, preemptively.

So, I created a possibility. I squashed the vision I’d had of the baseball game and decided it simply wasn’t acceptable. Instead, I replaced it with a new and powerful vision of a community around my son; one that encompassed all of the people who love him the most working together, being together, on his behalf. This was no small feat. As I said, my ex-husband and current partner have, for lack of a better term, bad blood. There are a number of things at the source of that, each of them insignificant to this story. What there really is to get is that these two men, who both love my child tremendously, could barely engage in two minutes of small talk. Yet, I was committed to creating this community for Micah.

How was I going to do this? The same way I do everything, by enrolling other people in the possibilities I create. I started sharing my vision with these two men. I shared about my fears for Micah, about what I wanted for him and how I thought it was possible, if we were all able to put our love for him above everything else. My partner now was more open, in large part because he’s been in the same work that I have over the past year. Micah’s dad was dismissive, but I was determined to live in my possibility. I kept sharing with him, from a place of love and commitment to our son. And, a few days into December, I got a phone call. It was my incredibly brave, loving, wonderful father, ex-husband telling me that he would like for the four of us to go downtown, to see Santa, a Christmas tradition I had since my own childhood, that I’d started with Micah since birth.

For Christmas, and for Micah’s 5th birthday, we spent a magical night together, as a family.

Merry Christmas, and always remember that anything you can dream up, you can create. 

I grew up in a home where excellent grades were the expectation. I was smart and my father studied with me every night, so I had no innate problems in meeting that expectation. But somewhere along the line, I developed the formula that being smart and accomplished was the only way to be “right” in the world. As a teenager, I rebelled against that notion, in part because it felt inauthentic to me. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be smart or accomplished, but rather that it was being forced on me by my father. The free spirit, anti-authoritarian in me wanted to be different from my dad and from my siblings. I wanted to find my own way.

I was a troubled student in high school, as I navigated my way through self-discovery. I resisted the expectation of me to be smart and accomplished by making stupid decisions and being assigned to regular afternoon detention. But that path wasn’t leading me any closer to happiness. I felt lost and lonely, like no one knew the real me, including myself.

As I grew into adulthood, I searched even further for me authentic self. I traveled, I wrote music and poetry, and, for awhile, I felt free. I felt connected to my inner voice. I felt free. But it wasn’t long before the pressures and expectations of life crept in again. What was I going to do with my life? I should choose a career, find a husband, settle down. All of those societal and religious standards began to shift me away from self-expression and back into a place where I felt imprisoned, suffocated. It was no longer ME making decisions for my life, but the concern about disappointing people, judgement, or looking bad. I went to college, got married and had a child. I started a business. I did all of the things that were expected of me. Only still, I wasn’t happy.

I love my child more than anything in the world. He has been my one constant, my light and my hope in all things. But even my role as a mother was dictated by guilt, fear and image. I wasn’t free to be who I really was, even with my son. 

I was in the business of sales and recruiting, which you can imagine, requires one to project a constant image of desirability. I had to eat a certain way, look a certain way, act a certain way and portray a certain life at all times, in order to attract new clientele and build a team of coaches. It became such a constant compulsion that, once again, I found myself completely disconnected from the voice within. I couldn’t even remember who I was beneath the unceasing demand to maintain such an image. In the midst of growing success, wealth and freedom, I was anything but free.

Eventually I shut down. I rebelled, like I had back in high school. I left my marriage, I checked out of my business and I isolated myself from friends. I needed to take time to rediscover who I was and who I wanted to become. And I did.

I spent the majority of the past year getting present to who I truly am and who I want to be, apart from the expectations imposed on me by anyone else or by society as a whole. And in doing that, I’ve found that my life has become so much more workable, fulfilling and free. It hasn’t been an easy journey. I’ve been forced to really confront myself and discover all of the ways I’ve been living without authenticity. It’s been overwhelming and scary, at times, but what was there for me on the other side is freedom and power, and true happiness.

If you’re seeking a more fulfilling and free life, I invite you to take the following steps toward living empowered by authenticity.

• Challenge yourself to face your fears. Fear isn’t real. It’s a concept that exists only in our minds. Yet it holds us back from living the life we truly want. It keeps us from following our heart and pursuing our passions. Acknowledge that fear is an illusion and do whatever it is you’re afraid of. Let go of your reasons, excuses and validations and just do it.
• Forgive yourself. You are human. Welcome to the world’s least exclusive club where membership requires imperfection. We all fall short, make mistakes, hurt people, cause harm. We don’t mean to. We are simply survivalists who often slip into a self-obsessed existence. We all do. So whatever guilt or shame you’re carrying around, know that you’re not alone. You aren’t wrong or bad or awful in any way. You’re human. So forgive yourself, truly, and move forward freely.
• Forgive others. Playing the blame game or being the victim can feel powerful. We get to be right and make someone else wrong. The reality is, however, that holding onto to resentment against others is actually an incredibly powerless approach to life. We are essentially saying, in our victimhood, that we have no control over what happens. False. We may not have been able to control what happened, but it’s over. It doesn’t exist anymore, except in our thoughts. You’ve spent enough time allowing someone else’s actions dictate your effectiveness and happiness. Forgive, forget and be free.
• Spend time with yourself, alone. One of the most harrowing things my coach challenged me to do was to spend five minutes a day looking at myself in the mirror. Not to put on makeup or do my hair, but simply to be with myself. Initially, it was difficult. I saw flaws, imperfections in my skin, grey hairs, tired and unfamiliar eyes. But as the days went on, I began to see myself as a beautiful, powerful, unique individual. I challenge you to spend this kind of time getting to know, or create, yourself.
• Create hope. We live in a world that often feels hopeless. We are surrounded by bitterness, hatred and violence. We experience disappointment constantly. What there is to get is that hope is something that exists within us and independent of the external world. Just as we have the power to dissolve fear, we also have the power to create hope. Our minds are ours to do with what we please. Despite whatever hardships you’ve faced, and despite whatever you’re up against now, there is endless possibility for new and good things for your life. Create it. Believe in it.

For a more personalized approach to living powerfully and authentically, contact me for one on one coaching!