My son’s father and I have remained friends. We have no legal custody or child support agreement and, for the most part, have worked together cohesively as parents. My current relationship, however, has been a source of contention for many reasons. As I came to realize the impact this might have on my son, and on his self-esteem, I became determined to do something about it, preemptively.

So, I created a possibility. I squashed the vision I’d had of the baseball game and decided it simply wasn’t acceptable. Instead, I replaced it with a new and powerful vision of a community around my son; one that encompassed all of the people who love him the most working together, being together, on his behalf. This was no small feat. As I said, my ex-husband and current partner have, for lack of a better term, bad blood. There are a number of things at the source of that, each of them insignificant to this story. What there really is to get is that these two men, who both love my child tremendously, could barely engage in two minutes of small talk. Yet, I was committed to creating this community for Micah.

How was I going to do this? The same way I do everything, by enrolling other people in the possibilities I create. I started sharing my vision with these two men. I shared about my fears for Micah, about what I wanted for him and how I thought it was possible, if we were all able to put our love for him above everything else. My partner now was more open, in large part because he’s been in the same work that I have over the past year. Micah’s dad was dismissive, but I was determined to live in my possibility. I kept sharing with him, from a place of love and commitment to our son. And, a few days into December, I got a phone call. It was my incredibly brave, loving, wonderful father, ex-husband telling me that he would like for the four of us to go downtown, to see Santa, a Christmas tradition I had since my own childhood, that I’d started with Micah since birth.

For Christmas, and for Micah’s 5th birthday, we spent a magical night together, as a family.

Merry Christmas, and always remember that anything you can dream up, you can create. 

Creating something powerful in your life requires something distinct from change….Transformation.

Transformation is what occurs when you make a shift in who you are; how you think, act and experience the world. It is only in transformation that you find the source of living by design. So how do you transform yourself? For starters, we need to really get that transformation is not a goal or destination. It isn’t final. It’s an unceasing process, a path of constant growth and awareness. There is no right or wrong way to transform your life, so long as your commitment is to be the best version of yourself and to experience life as freely, joyfully and powerfully as possible.

Here are my suggestions for living a life of transformation.

1. Be accountable. Such a simple concept, yet such a challenge for us human beings. We are consumed by fears of failure or looking bad, so we make excuses and find justifications for every mistake we make. We weave a tangled web of lies, exaggerations and pretexts just to avoid being accountable. Then we make ourselves feel bad, guilty, defensive or even angry. It doesn’t need to be that complicated. It really doesn’t. Consider that all people make mistakes, all the time. You aren’t bad or wrong for missing the mark. There is tremendous power in simply acknowledging it, apologizing for it and moving forward.

2. Say what you mean and mean what you say. There is no freedom in obligation. Many of us live in a state of constant overwhelm because we over-commit ourselves. We say yes when we mean no, and then we hate the world and the people in it for being obligated. We immediately start creating reasons, or excuses, to get out of the things we say we’ll do because we are strapped for time, low on energy and downright cynical. We dismiss our commitments without regard for the impact it has on others, or we fulfill the demands and take out our frustration on those who carry no real blame. It’s a cycle of  mental and physical exhaustion that never ceases. If you want to transform your life, get off of the hamster wheel. Only commit to things you feel called to do and honor your commitments. You’ll feel energized and find a renewed sense of passion.

3. Create your disposition. It’s easy to blame our circumstance for our mood. It’s easy to blame our mood for a thousand other things like meanness, laziness or apathy. Can you see the loss of power here? The truth is that we are always in control of our disposition and, by extension, our corresponding actions. In the face of any life occurrence, we can actually choose to be whatever we want to be. So choose something like content, joyful or grateful and see how the world around you begins to change.

4. Let go of grudges. You’ve heard the expression that resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. That statement couldn’t be more true. Holding onto grudges is emotionally draining and physically toxic. The stress of emotional baggage can have very real effects on your body and mind. And truth be told, has little to no impact on whoever you’re holding that malice over. Resentment means you get to be right about staying angry, about living powerlessly, about being a victim. Guess where that leads. Nowhere. So let it go. Not for the other person, but for your own freedom. Make a call. Write a letter. Or simply affirm to yourself that you’ve suffered long enough and wish to move forward free of that weight and it’s impact on your life. Declare yourself over it.

5. Stop being obsessed with yourself. Tony Robbins says that the root of all suffering is obsession with self. When you sink into self obsession, meaning that your thoughts are consumed with you, it’s very difficult to feel empowered. Let’s face it, most of us aren’t overly confident with ourselves, so self-obsession shows up as relentless thoughts about our failures, shortcomings and inadequacies. It includes thinks like martyrism and self righteousness. It may even be that little voice telling us that we do so much and aren’t appreciated. We spiral further and further down a rabbit hole that only leads to self loathing, bitterness and ineffectiveness. Where real power and joy exists is in the world around us, and in who we be to others. So get out of your head and start focusing on who you can be to someone else, just for the sake of someone else and without regard for what reward or acknowledgement you may get out of it. Get involved in a charity or fundraiser, befriend someone who’s lonely or take on some random acts of kindness. Stepping outside of your “self” will provide an incredible amount of fulfillment for you. I promise.

For a more personalized approach to powerful living, schedule a free consult with me!

I was a young woman, naive in so many ways, and a virgin to the incessant demands and relentless uncertainty of adulthood. In the years that followed, I attended college. I got married. I became a mother. I developed a chronic illness. I became an entrepreneur. My marriage failed. My body failed. My business failed. I was lost. But, throughout the twists and turns of the path I was on, I found a way to navigate and strategize and, most importantly, envision a better future.

I shared my journey and surprisingly, people found inspiration and hope in that. People began reaching out to me, not only to offer encouragement or thank me for sharing my most vulnerable moments and the way I forged through them, but also to share their own personal experiences and struggles. People came to me to find strength, insight, help. It became my privilege and purpose to give it, and to share in their pain as well as in their hope.  Helping others sort through their circumstance, find direction and courage and create a clear path toward their own happiness became a personal mission.

I was working on other projects and building businesses, but all the while, I was distracted by the influx of people seeking the same thing I was working toward in my own life, happiness. Only I realized that it wasn’t a distraction at all. It was more of a calling, something that had become my passion and purpose. After quite a bit of discernment, introspection and the help of some powerful seminars and life coaching of my own, I decided that this is where my focus should be.

I am, by my very nature, a coach. A cheerleader, a helper, an encourager and a problem solver. It is within me the desire and the need to help people move past their fears and circumstances into the life they are capable and worthy of. That has become my mission.

As a life coach, I can help you identify your goals and the things that are holding you back from achieving them. I can help you sort through the uncertainty and make decisions confidently. I can help you find possibility in all the areas of your life where you want to create change. Together, we can create a vision for your ideal future and empower you to get you there.

It was the answer to my biggest insecurity as someone brand new to sales and recruitment. How was I supposed to convince people that I knew what I was doing, that I was going to be successful, that they could trust me to help them achieve their goals? Simple. Fake it. Until I make it. I did just that. And it worked. It really did. For awhile.

I used social media as a platform to grow my business. I made posts about every little freedom my job allowed me. I shared about how rapidly my team was growing. I posted about all of the wonderful aspects of this job and all of the opportunity it created, for someone who was successful in doing it, which wasn’t me quite yet. But it did work. People saw my excitement, my commitment and my faith in what I was doing and they joined it. It really didn’t take that long before I was actually successful.

The fake-it-til-you-make-it approach worked so well that I started teaching it to my team. Well, not just teaching. Perhaps more like preaching. It became part of my training model. I expected new team members to make these types of posts regularly because, if they wanted to be successful, this concept worked. And it worked relatively quickly.

What I didn’t realize until much later is that faking it doesn’t actually work at all. Why? Because it’s a lie. It’s inauthentic. It’s not sustainable. Sure, I did find actual success by faking it in the beginning. But in the process, I lost part of myself. I became this other version of myself on social media, and even beyond. I was no longer able to clearly distinguish what was part of the lie and what wasn’t. I felt a constant need to uphold an image, an ideal of what life was like, in order to attract people to what I was doing. It was draining. Eventually I started to disengage from my business because I had come to feel so inauthentic about who I was being. I didn’t want to do it anymore. And I didn’t know any other way to do my job.

After some time “off”, a lot of personal development and time soul searching, I realized that there was another way. A better way. I decided to start fresh and make it until I made it. 

Confusing? Maybe a little. Let me explain. I just realized that instead of pretending to be this or that, I just had to start making my life the way I wanted it to be until it was the way I wanted it to be. It’s simple, really. Just get to work. Start creating. Start doing. Start being.

“What you think, you become. What you feel, you attract. What you imagine, you create.” -Buddha

When I adopted this new approach to my businesses, and to my life, I found a completely new kind of freedom. A freedom in being fully present to the passion and purpose behind my goals. Having access to that created the space for so much more success and possibility. Perhaps more importantly, that methodology has allowed me to be wholly at peace with where I am at any stage, with any endeavor while feeling completely empowered to design my life as I want. That is true freedom.

If you are struggling to find clarity, direction or power in any area of your life, I would love the opportunity to help. Fill out this form for a free consult.