I have prayed countless prayers about how to regain my hope, my spirit, my passion and, on a deeper level, my relationships and reputation for being a cultivator of change. I’m at a loss. While I have taken the necessary time and energy to pick up the scattered pieces of my personal life and place them, as best I could, back together ~perhaps with a little duck tape and more than a little wine~ my business and public life remain fractured. And I need to address it. There are far more people than I have the ability to explain or apologize to individually, my hope is that this space can become my haven for recompense, for renewal, and for rebirth.

Seven  years ago, my world was turned upside down when I suddenly and unexpectedly became very sick. I suppose that sort of thing is never expected and always sudden. Everything I had worked so diligently for, everything that I was, was taken away from me, piece by piece. I was powerless to do anything more than watch, like the passerby of a horrible traffic accident. It felt surreal. But it was also survival, in its rawest form.

I managed to claw my way out of it, to some extent, for a short period of time. I was over-medicated and undermined, but life went on to a manageable degree. And I became a mother. A prodigious blessing, however unexpected. A life changing event, gift, experience, purpose. But motherhood inflamed, quite literally, my body’s inability to function properly and despite the arsenal of prescription “management”, I quickly became very sick, once again.

I learned a very difficult lesson throughout this season of my life. Well, maybe a few lessons. But the one that has been ingrained most deeply is the dichotomy of being labeled with a chronic illness and not having that label. At the times when I became critically ill, I was still living life without an official diagnosis. And that state of limbo was an arduous place to exist.  It was easy for the people around me to dismiss what was happening to me, to make light of it. From an outside view, I didn’t look sick. I appeared normal, healthy. Only my husband, who shared that formidable space behind the walls of our home, understood how sick I truly was becoming. Without a diagnosis, without a label, most of the people around me simply thought I was being overly reactionary. It was very isolating, and after a time, I grew weary of trying to explain my blank stares, sudden departures and excessive absences. It was just easier to survive within my own hell than to attempt to bring anyone else into it.

For several years, I struggled to be a wife, to be a mother, to get out of bed. But I found saving grace in building a business that allowed me to help other people live healthier lives. I became so fiercely passionate about it, that in some ways, I neglected an already crippled marriage I barely noticed was on the verge of collapse. Until it did.  And once again, my world shifted violently into someplace unfamiliar and unclear. For several months, I tried to maintain the charade of being a professional cultivator of inspiration. But behind the screen of Facebook and Instagram, I was acutely struggling to find my own. And so I made the decision to come clean.

I don’t regret that choice. I am, and always have been, an open book. I believe in being who I am, unapolagetically. But the decision did not come without recourse. During the most intense period of tribulation of my life, I was harshly criticized, judged, insulted. Because of that, I began to withdraw from my business, from social media and even from my personal relationships. I was terrified of the vengeful disapproval. And it was everywhere, about everything that was my life, or what people perceived my life to be.

Don’t get me wrong. I’ve been the charmed recipient of far more love and support than the latter. And I am so grateful for that. It’s been my anchor. Despite my eternal optimism, I’ve somehow allowed myself to become a victim of the hearsay and judgment. I’ve let it change me, and rob me of the things I worked so hard to reclaim. My health, my relationships, my passion, my vision. But, as we all know, life goes on. We cannot live safely in the past, but rather, we must step through fear into a hopeful future. From this moment, I am leaving the past where it belongs, I’m closing the door on my failures and walking forward in faith. Because there is no other choice. I refuse to throw in the towel.

And so I write this as a letter of apology, as a declaration of betterment, as an oath of restoration.

Life goes on, and we are all the better for that.

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But you don’t have to fast to enjoy the benefits of bone broth. There are countless, delicious, paleo soups you can make with the broth to keep you feeling full while still reaping the incredible, gut-healing magic of bone broth! Personally, I love to make hearty soups. Especially this time of year. Meat (sometimes multiple), veggies (as many as I can find in the house or the garden) and plenty of fresh herbs. One of my absolute favorites is this Zuppa Tuscana!

Ingredients:

• 1 lb. Italian sausage, browned and drained
• 4 cups Bone Broth or chicken stock
• 1 teaspoon minced garlic
• 1 medium onion, diced
• 2-3 carrots, thinly sliced
• 2 large sweet potatoes, peeled and cut into cubes
• 1 large russet potatoe
• 2 cups kale, diced
• 1 can full fat coconut milk, refrigerated

Instructions:

1. Brown the Italian sausage in a pan and drain.
2. Add sausage, chicken stock, garlic, onion, carrots and potatoes to the slow cooker.
3. Cover and simmer on low for 6-8 hours, or on high for 4-6 hours until the potatoes are tender.
4. With 30 minutes left, add the kale to the slow cooker. Cover and allow the kale to cook for 30 minutes.
5. Five minutes before serving, open the can of refrigerated coconut cream and add just the solid white cream to the slow cooker. Cook for 5 additional minutes.
6. Enjoy!

So much of my blood, sweat and tears have gone into my own personal health journey and, by extension, into creating an environment where I’m able to share in those of others. Aside from motherhood, I’ve shifted my life’s focus to helping women create freedom in their lives; the freedom that comes with good health, entrepreneurship and peace of mind. Every day, I work with women from all walks of life, to design a life that works for them and allows them to thrive. It’s a job that I’m both honored and impassioned by.

And so I thank you for being here. Whether you’ve been following my journey for a while or you’ve just found me through a random search, I am grateful that fate has brought us together and I truly hope that you find some value in such happenstance.

When I first began to put the pieces together for this project, I was admittedly overwhelmed by the magnitude of my vision for it. I have so many ideas and dreams about how I could impact the lives of other women. After much prayer and introspection, I realized that to limit myself was to limit who I would be able to reach. That’s precisely the opposite of my intention, and so I decided to follow my heart, throw caution to the wind and take the leap of faith into absolute uncertainty.

My aspirations are limitless, but as with any dream, we must begin somewhere, to lay the groundwork. I’ve been working as a health & fitness coach for three years and as my own personal focus has shifted toward nutrition and wellness, so has my work. If you’re looking to make a lifestyle change, to get in better shape, to find confidence, to feel better, to improve your quality of life, I can help. Health coaching is the foundation for this project. But behind the scenes, I’m working on so much more. I’m working to share my story, and to hear from other women about Lupus, autoimmunity, healing and hope. I’m working on a book, in addition to this blog. I’m working to spread awareness and education about Lupus, autoimmunity and treatment options for these diseases. I’m planning events and creating a podcast. I’m working to connect with women who want more freedom in their lives. I’m providing mentor-ship, strategic business planning and marketing for women who desire freedom through entrepreneurship. I am doing everything in my power to help you create the life that you wish for and deserve.

If I can help in any way, please reach out by filling out the contact form below.

If you have a story to share about your struggle with autoimmune disease and are interested in connecting, participating in my podcast or helping spread awareness about AI, please fill out the form below.