My son’s father and I have remained friends. We have no legal custody or child support agreement and, for the most part, have worked together cohesively as parents. My current relationship, however, has been a source of contention for many reasons. As I came to realize the impact this might have on my son, and on his self-esteem, I became determined to do something about it, preemptively.

So, I created a possibility. I squashed the vision I’d had of the baseball game and decided it simply wasn’t acceptable. Instead, I replaced it with a new and powerful vision of a community around my son; one that encompassed all of the people who love him the most working together, being together, on his behalf. This was no small feat. As I said, my ex-husband and current partner have, for lack of a better term, bad blood. There are a number of things at the source of that, each of them insignificant to this story. What there really is to get is that these two men, who both love my child tremendously, could barely engage in two minutes of small talk. Yet, I was committed to creating this community for Micah.

How was I going to do this? The same way I do everything, by enrolling other people in the possibilities I create. I started sharing my vision with these two men. I shared about my fears for Micah, about what I wanted for him and how I thought it was possible, if we were all able to put our love for him above everything else. My partner now was more open, in large part because he’s been in the same work that I have over the past year. Micah’s dad was dismissive, but I was determined to live in my possibility. I kept sharing with him, from a place of love and commitment to our son. And, a few days into December, I got a phone call. It was my incredibly brave, loving, wonderful father, ex-husband telling me that he would like for the four of us to go downtown, to see Santa, a Christmas tradition I had since my own childhood, that I’d started with Micah since birth.

For Christmas, and for Micah’s 5th birthday, we spent a magical night together, as a family.

Merry Christmas, and always remember that anything you can dream up, you can create. 

The holiday season is just around the corner. Or, maybe, it’s been here since October. Either way, this time of year tends to come with quite a bit of stress, obligation and overwhelm. Our kind sentiments and warm, fuzzy feelings get lost in the midst of worry; worry about money, travel, time, energy and just about anything else our minds can conjure up to disrupt our joy. The good news? It doesn’t have to be that way, at all.

I’m committed to living my life in a way that encompasses peace, exudes love and creates power. So I took some time to create a possibility for a truly joyful holiday season within that realm. I’ve come up with some strategies for myself and thought I’d share, in hopes that you all will experience a peaceful and happy holiday, and beyond.

• Get that image doesn’t mean anything. Absolutely nothing. The energy we put into making our homes look perfect, the Pinterest-worthy projects we do with the kids, the gifts we can’t afford…..all of these things are joy suckers. We do them to impress others, while driving ourselves crazy. And broke. And guess what. No one else cares. No one cares how perfect our wreaths look from the street, how much money we’ve spent on their gift or how many times we’ve snapped at our child before taking over their “handmade” teacher gift. YOU are the only one who cares, and you are really robbing yourself of the opportunity to enjoy this time of year. Want peace? Forget to impress!
• Presence, not presents. The holiday season can be a tremendous financial strain for anyone who’s already struggling to make ends meet. Even if money is a non-issue for you, you might be missing the mark on making the most of this holiday season. It’s a busy time of year and, when we’re blessed by abundance, it can be much easier to use our wallets than our hearts to make an impact for others. Generosity is an incredible act, and should be acknowledged. But what really moves people is when we share our most precious resource with them, our time. Instead of spending a fortune on presents, gift the people you love with your presence. It will go a lot further than you can imagine. Take them out for coffee or lunch. Join them for a yoga or pottery class. Grab tickets to a comedy or music show that they’d enjoy. Spend time and love instead of money and see what opens up in those relationships!
• Get creative. Don’t get me wrong. Pinterest is remarkable source of inspiration and handmade gifts are a fantastic way to limit your holiday spending. But there’s something to really get before you go down this road….Pinterest does not have to equal pressure. By all means, seek ideas. But making gifts, even with the kids, should be an enjoyable and satisfying way of sharing a piece of you with someone else. Allow yourself to create something without the concern of how it will turn out or be received. If it comes from the heart, it will be felt that way.
• Commit with care. We tend to overcommit ourselves throughout the year, but even more so during the holidays. In our quest to make the most of the season, to be productive and meet expectations, we say we will do things we simply don’t have the time (or interest) for. Time is our most valuable resource and so we should give it with love, but wisely. This year, try your best to avoid making commitments of this nature. Instead, commit only to things that will bring real value to you and the people around you. Once you’re committed to something, honor your commitments with care and contentment.
• Forget about food. Health & wellness are important aspects of a powerful and effective life. However, food is also an important part of holiday tradition and is often an expression of love. Let go of the need to maintain a rigid nutrition plan and simply allow yourself to be in the moment, enjoying food freely without the worry of guilt.
• Get complete with 2017. We’ve all experienced things this past year that have brought discord or disappointment. Perhaps you’ve been slighted in some regard. Perhaps you’ve lost something or someone important to you. Or, perhaps, things just didn’t go as planned. The truth is that it doesn’t matter. Nothing that’s happened has anything to do with who you are or where you’re going from here. Accept that what’s happened has happened, and be willing to move forward without resentment or regret.
• Create possibilities instead of resolutions. With a new year comes the pressures of getting it right this time around. We resolve to do things differently, or better, in the year to come. The problem is that we are setting ourselves up for failure and, with failure, comes the sense of defeat. And we give up. Instead of making a resolution to do this or not do that, try creating a possibility for 2018. In the realm of possibility, there is no failure or shortcoming. It’s merely about what is possible through action. And the cool thing about possibility is that it’s always possible. What are you going to create for your life in 2018?

Living a life without passion or purpose isn’t really living at all, is it? But how do we overcome that boredom that creeps not into our lives, but into our hearts? Simple. By keeping things fresh. By keeping ourselves busy. But not busy for the sake of being busy. We need to fill our time and space with things that renew our sense of joy, adventure and accomplishment.

Like anything else in this modern age, there are limitless options. But here’s a good starting point.

In Seeking Solitude

• Read a book. Spirituality, Personal Development, Romance, or even Horror. Find a quiet spot, get comfortable and get lost in the pages of a good book.
• Do some yoga. Even ten minutes of yoga can do wonders for the body, mind and spirit. Work up a sweat, get balanced and clear your mind of all your responsibilities.
• Organize. So much of our lives can feel out of control. Taking time to organize an aspect of your life can be both freeing and empowering. Spice rack? DVD collection? Dresser drawers? Taking on an organizational project will make you feel accomplished and less stressed.

In Seeking Knowledge

• Learn a foreign language. Always wanted to visit Paris? Start learning French. It will give you a new skill set and bring new life to your dream of traveling.
• Take a class. Anything from pottery making to the philosophy of time, enrolling in an education course can expand your knowledge base and give you an opportunity to meet some new people.
• Connect with a stranger. Strike up a conversation or arrange an interview with someone who’s life experience is likely to differ from your own. This is a great way to learn about other cultures, time periods and perspectives.

In Seeking Adventure

• Choose an activity that challenges or scares you. Skydiving and white water rafting are extremes, but even a short hike or taking a motorcycle driving class can be hugely fulfilling and empowering. Looking for something more regular/ How about taking a martial arts class to keep your blood flowing and build self-disicpline?!
• Plan a trip to someplace you’ve never been. If you’re on a tight budget, find an inexpensive room on Airbnb.
• Build something without building plans. An herb garden, a homemade wine rack or some shelves to display that collection of antique spoons you’ve had shoved in a drawer for years. Using blueprints is okay, if it makes you anxious to go it on your own. But getting creative, trusting your own judgment and making something that is uniquely representative to you can be fun and rewarding.

In Seeking Friendship

• Join a team or league. It’s easy to find ourselves overly committed to family and coworkers, but friendships are an important part of our social nature. Signing up for a local softball team or bowling league can provide a regular break from the responsibilities of our home and work lives and allow us to relax and enjoy some time with others.
• Volunteer. There are so many organizations doing amazing work for the community. But virtually all of them are under-resourced. Volunteering your time in a food bank, soup kitchen or children’s camp can help you build new relationships with people and gain a sense of purpose over your life.
• Find a pen pal. Seems unheard of, right? Actually, there are quite a few legitimate pen pal websites that help you connect with people all over the world. Make a new friend in a safe and supportive space and who knows, you may find your new BFF.

In Seeking Romance

• Plan a picnic. Pack some sandwiches, some wine (don’t forget the corkscrew!) and a blanket. Find a quiet spot. Enjoy! Day or night, picnics are a great, and inexpensive, way to treat your partner to a special evening.
• Dancing. Anything from live jazz to a dance club with a deejay, dancing is a great way to have fun, relieve stress and build sexual tension with that special someone.
• Share an adventure. Instead of flying solo, do something audacious with your lover. A kayak or canoe trip will allow for relaxed conversation while, at the same time, encourage teamwork. Or head to an amusement park and challenge yourselves to conquer the scariest ride there. It will help you build trust and create a sense of what you can accomplish together.
• Take a tour. Perhaps a carriage ride around town or a trip to a museum? A walking house tour or haunted history tour of a local neighborhood? Exploring together is a great opportunity to learn and grow as both individuals and a pair.

In Seeking Family

Connecting with our kids can be a challenge. Distinct interests and personalities, coupled with the daily demands of households, careers and activities, can make free time seem fleeting, and fun time all but absent. But children are actually simple creatures who thrive on only a sense of love and wonder. And it turns out, it’s not all that difficult to provide them with that.

• Go on a walkabout. I’m not talking about your everyday, ordinary walk around the neighborhood. A walkabout is a walk with purpose, and with the intention of escaping the mundane and immersing oneself in adventure. I take my son on walkabouts every week and each time we create a mission. We make lists of what we hope to find; things like feathers, caterpillars and berries. We commit to saying hello to any passers by. We pause to look at the sky, identify cloud types and make up stories about the cloud formations. These walks are such an amazing way to be present with him in the moment, feed his sense of wonder and give him knowledge about nature, kindness and spirituality. Such a simple activity can provide endless benefits.
• Baking. Kids of all ages love to make messes. And they love to create. Baking cutout cookies is a favorite in our house, any time of year. Cracking eggs, playing with the dough, making shapes and decorating with sprinkles and icing is an experience that gives kids a chance to get messy and learn while they develop confidence and pride in themselves. And the best reward? Cookies!
• Take a trip to a local farm. Apple picking, horseback riding and corn mazes are just a few of the fun activities children can find at local farms. This is another great way for the little ones to learn, laugh and burn off some energy!
• Build a fort. I bought my son a professional fort-making kit for his birthday a few years back. He loves it, but for me, it’s a bit too modern. Some of the best forts we’ve made are spontaneous, handmade and encompass the entire living room. Sheets, pillows, chairs, brooms, whatever we can find. Making a fort inside is the perfect way to spend a rainy day, or build one outside when the weather is nice.
• Camp out. I can recall, as a kid, camping out in my backyard. Making s’mores, telling ghost stories and falling asleep in a tent pitched outside the safety of my parents’ house and amidst a comfortable, family neighborhood. Now, my house backs up to woods and I feel a bit uneasy about letting my son camp outside on his own. So sometimes we camp out in the yard together. For older kids, setting up a tent in the yard is a great way to give them a sense of adventure and independence. In colder weather, or for younger children, set up a tent in the living room and have a pretend camp out, complete with s’mores!

The possibilities for creating purpose and adventure in your life truly are endless. Have an idea that’s not on this list? Leave a comment below!