For many years, I have experienced tremendous anguish over the condition of the world and, in particular, the breakdown in family values, marital values and Christian values. Everywhere we look, we see divorce and single parenthood, we see cynicism, resentment and fear inside and out of relationships, we see men blaming women and women blaming men. We see true masculinity and true femininity being devalued and suppressed. We see misery, desperation, loneliness and brokenness. We see children lost, misguided and suffering.

The month started off with an incredible experience In Washington, DC, when I assisted at the Landmark Forum for the first time. I completed the Forum myself this past may in Los Angeles and it left me totally transformed and completely empowered. I was thrilled to be a part of creating that for a hundred and some other people. I traveled to DC with a very good friend of mine having no real notion of what it would be like to go through the Forum again, in a different role. My commitment was to help cause the space for transformation, but what I got was unexpected, and so much more than what I gave. I also had the privilege of sharing that experience with one of my best friends, Brad, who was participating in the Forum that weekend. It was remarkable to see him grow, transform and take on his life in a way he’d never been able to before. I came back to Pittsburgh with an emboldened sense of freedom, power and love for my life and the people in it. What goes on in those rooms, for those taking the forum and those assisting, is truly indescribable. If you haven’t yet taken the Landmark Forum, I urge you to do it. It will change your life.

A few days after I returned, I celebrated my 37th (yikes!) birthday. The number had far less meaning than the people I spent it with. I had lunch with both of my parents, which was so wonderful. I don’t get to spend time with them very often and to be able to have some one on one time with each of them was a blessing. My son, my love, my best friend and my cousin also celebrated with me. It was a perfect, low-key week with my favorite humans.

My son was lucky enough to be born in the beautiful, busy month of December as well, so I jumped right into party-planning mode. My aunt graciously offered us her home to host a superhero birthday party with all of our friends and family in celebration of Micah’s five years of life. We created a day of fun and gratitude and the day was just that.

And, before we could clean up the cake and pack up the car, it was time to get ready for Christmas. Since the year I was pregnant with Micah, I started putting up the tree around Thanksgiving. It’s just easier to get it done and have it to enjoy in the midst of the December madness. So that was one thing we didn’t have to do. Still, all of the Santa shopping, wrapping, gift making, cookie baking and other holiday necessities needed to be taken care of. So we got to work. Micah and I have made gifts for everyone each year, in part as sentiment and also to teach him the real meaning of Christmas. We’ve made all sorts of ornaments in years past, but these year I decided to step things up and make candles. I enrolled Brandon into helping us since it was such a zealous undertaking. It turns out, we had a knack for it.

After making candles for our family and teachers, B and I decided to start a little candle business. He owns a landscaping company so this time of year, he has plenty of free time. So we went for it, thinking we would sell a dozen or so candles for Christmas and see how things went afterward. To our huge surprise, everyone loved the candles. We had people coming back for more and began scrambling to meet the Christmas demand. It’s been a whirlwind, but completely amazing and so much fun. We are tremendously grateful for how much love and support we’ve gotten with the candles. Each one is made with care and love. To check them out, find us on etsy.

The most extraordinary experience of this magical month was taking a trip to downtown Pittsburgh with Micah, Brandon and Adam, Micah’s father. The four of us spent a wonderful evening together in celebration of our son. Micah and I are so blessed to have two men who love us and who are committed to being a whole and complete family. You can read more about our coparenting Christmas here.

We went to church on the 23rd. It was a powerful and moving service with so much musical greatness. We spent Christmas Eve with both my family and Brandon’s, and awoke Christmas morning to beautiful suprise, snow! I can’t recall the last time we had a white Christmas here in Pittsburgh. It was just the sort of thing to remind us of the true miracle and meaning of the season. I couldn’t have asked for anything more.

As we wind down, there are just a few days left in the month, and in the year. It’s been a wild one, with both woe and wonder. And I wouldn’t change a single moment.

~Kristin

My son’s father and I have remained friends. We have no legal custody or child support agreement and, for the most part, have worked together cohesively as parents. My current relationship, however, has been a source of contention for many reasons. As I came to realize the impact this might have on my son, and on his self-esteem, I became determined to do something about it, preemptively.

So, I created a possibility. I squashed the vision I’d had of the baseball game and decided it simply wasn’t acceptable. Instead, I replaced it with a new and powerful vision of a community around my son; one that encompassed all of the people who love him the most working together, being together, on his behalf. This was no small feat. As I said, my ex-husband and current partner have, for lack of a better term, bad blood. There are a number of things at the source of that, each of them insignificant to this story. What there really is to get is that these two men, who both love my child tremendously, could barely engage in two minutes of small talk. Yet, I was committed to creating this community for Micah.

How was I going to do this? The same way I do everything, by enrolling other people in the possibilities I create. I started sharing my vision with these two men. I shared about my fears for Micah, about what I wanted for him and how I thought it was possible, if we were all able to put our love for him above everything else. My partner now was more open, in large part because he’s been in the same work that I have over the past year. Micah’s dad was dismissive, but I was determined to live in my possibility. I kept sharing with him, from a place of love and commitment to our son. And, a few days into December, I got a phone call. It was my incredibly brave, loving, wonderful father, ex-husband telling me that he would like for the four of us to go downtown, to see Santa, a Christmas tradition I had since my own childhood, that I’d started with Micah since birth.

For Christmas, and for Micah’s 5th birthday, we spent a magical night together, as a family.

Merry Christmas, and always remember that anything you can dream up, you can create. 

I grew up in a home where excellent grades were the expectation. I was smart and my father studied with me every night, so I had no innate problems in meeting that expectation. But somewhere along the line, I developed the formula that being smart and accomplished was the only way to be “right” in the world. As a teenager, I rebelled against that notion, in part because it felt inauthentic to me. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be smart or accomplished, but rather that it was being forced on me by my father. The free spirit, anti-authoritarian in me wanted to be different from my dad and from my siblings. I wanted to find my own way.

I was a troubled student in high school, as I navigated my way through self-discovery. I resisted the expectation of me to be smart and accomplished by making stupid decisions and being assigned to regular afternoon detention. But that path wasn’t leading me any closer to happiness. I felt lost and lonely, like no one knew the real me, including myself.

As I grew into adulthood, I searched even further for me authentic self. I traveled, I wrote music and poetry, and, for awhile, I felt free. I felt connected to my inner voice. I felt free. But it wasn’t long before the pressures and expectations of life crept in again. What was I going to do with my life? I should choose a career, find a husband, settle down. All of those societal and religious standards began to shift me away from self-expression and back into a place where I felt imprisoned, suffocated. It was no longer ME making decisions for my life, but the concern about disappointing people, judgement, or looking bad. I went to college, got married and had a child. I started a business. I did all of the things that were expected of me. Only still, I wasn’t happy.

I love my child more than anything in the world. He has been my one constant, my light and my hope in all things. But even my role as a mother was dictated by guilt, fear and image. I wasn’t free to be who I really was, even with my son. 

I was in the business of sales and recruiting, which you can imagine, requires one to project a constant image of desirability. I had to eat a certain way, look a certain way, act a certain way and portray a certain life at all times, in order to attract new clientele and build a team of coaches. It became such a constant compulsion that, once again, I found myself completely disconnected from the voice within. I couldn’t even remember who I was beneath the unceasing demand to maintain such an image. In the midst of growing success, wealth and freedom, I was anything but free.

Eventually I shut down. I rebelled, like I had back in high school. I left my marriage, I checked out of my business and I isolated myself from friends. I needed to take time to rediscover who I was and who I wanted to become. And I did.

I spent the majority of the past year getting present to who I truly am and who I want to be, apart from the expectations imposed on me by anyone else or by society as a whole. And in doing that, I’ve found that my life has become so much more workable, fulfilling and free. It hasn’t been an easy journey. I’ve been forced to really confront myself and discover all of the ways I’ve been living without authenticity. It’s been overwhelming and scary, at times, but what was there for me on the other side is freedom and power, and true happiness.

If you’re seeking a more fulfilling and free life, I invite you to take the following steps toward living empowered by authenticity.

• Challenge yourself to face your fears. Fear isn’t real. It’s a concept that exists only in our minds. Yet it holds us back from living the life we truly want. It keeps us from following our heart and pursuing our passions. Acknowledge that fear is an illusion and do whatever it is you’re afraid of. Let go of your reasons, excuses and validations and just do it.
• Forgive yourself. You are human. Welcome to the world’s least exclusive club where membership requires imperfection. We all fall short, make mistakes, hurt people, cause harm. We don’t mean to. We are simply survivalists who often slip into a self-obsessed existence. We all do. So whatever guilt or shame you’re carrying around, know that you’re not alone. You aren’t wrong or bad or awful in any way. You’re human. So forgive yourself, truly, and move forward freely.
• Forgive others. Playing the blame game or being the victim can feel powerful. We get to be right and make someone else wrong. The reality is, however, that holding onto to resentment against others is actually an incredibly powerless approach to life. We are essentially saying, in our victimhood, that we have no control over what happens. False. We may not have been able to control what happened, but it’s over. It doesn’t exist anymore, except in our thoughts. You’ve spent enough time allowing someone else’s actions dictate your effectiveness and happiness. Forgive, forget and be free.
• Spend time with yourself, alone. One of the most harrowing things my coach challenged me to do was to spend five minutes a day looking at myself in the mirror. Not to put on makeup or do my hair, but simply to be with myself. Initially, it was difficult. I saw flaws, imperfections in my skin, grey hairs, tired and unfamiliar eyes. But as the days went on, I began to see myself as a beautiful, powerful, unique individual. I challenge you to spend this kind of time getting to know, or create, yourself.
• Create hope. We live in a world that often feels hopeless. We are surrounded by bitterness, hatred and violence. We experience disappointment constantly. What there is to get is that hope is something that exists within us and independent of the external world. Just as we have the power to dissolve fear, we also have the power to create hope. Our minds are ours to do with what we please. Despite whatever hardships you’ve faced, and despite whatever you’re up against now, there is endless possibility for new and good things for your life. Create it. Believe in it.

For a more personalized approach to living powerfully and authentically, contact me for one on one coaching!

If you read my last blog post, you probably learned quite a bit about me. I revealed some of my deepest, darkest truths to the world wide web as part of a program I was completing back in May. And I’ve been pretty quiet here since then. But it’s not out of shame or embarrassment. The truth is that I’ve been insanely busy with some amazing changes in my life that all began when I finished the Landmark Forum and came back to Pittsburgh.

When I went to Los Angeles in early spring, my life here at home was in shambles. I had just lost a successful business I’d spent three years pouring my blood, sweat and tears into. My relationship ended abruptly, and in a very toxic way. I felt lost. I was alone, a single mom with no sustainable source of income and no idea where to go from there. So I boarded a plane to LA to get away and gain some clarity. My lifelong friend, Matt, had insisted I enroll in the Landmark Forum, a “self-help” seminar of which I had no knowledge about. I’ve always been invested in self growth and introspection and his passion and push for me to complete this program left me little excuse to decline.

The three (very long) days I spent doing the Forum were truly the most transformative of my life. When I gave birth to my son, I became a mother and I suddenly knew unconditional love for another. When I completed the Landmark Forum, I became free and I suddenly knew unconditional love for myself, and for all others. It was THAT powerful.

Life after Landmark has been a whirlwind, but I wanted to take some time to share with you what that’s been like. As a blogger, I always feel compelled to let you into my world. But truthfully, the point of this post is to share with you what is possible for you, through Landmark. Allow me to say, as a side note, that I am in no way affiliated with Landmark Worldwide. I simply want to pay it forward by sharing my experience.

Now, the good stuff!

As part of the course, I was encouraged to write letters and make phone calls to people I had wronged, or who had wronged me, as part of a self-liberation process from any guilt or resentment that might be holding me back from success, healthy relationships and really in any area of my life. This part of the Forum was challenging, but I welcomed the opportunity to free myself of the baggage I’d been dragging around for thirty-some years. I knew that, despite the outcome of those calls and letters, I’d be coming home to the same life in disarray, of which I had no idea how to rebuild. But I was returning with a newfound freedom; freedom from self-limitation, freedom from the guise of victimhood and freedom from fear.

As I stepped off of the plane in Pittsburgh, I was keenly aware of the absence of a fear that had come to dictate my existence. I knew that only possibility existed beyond those doors. I was ready for it, whatever it was.

I had two major goals for myself post-Landmark. The first was to do everything in my power to rebuild the relationship I had so intently destroyed prior. I knew that repairing the damage would not be easy, that it would take time, patience, determination and forgiveness. But I refused to believe that it was impossible. I only saw what was POSSIBLE. Pursuing this goal was one of the most difficult things I’ve done in my life. It demanded that I remain outside of the meanings I was inclined to attach to everything that was said, or unsaid, done or undone. It demanded that I see the man that I love for who he really is, and not for the ways in which he responded to the unraveling of our relationship. It demanded that I forgive myself, and him over and over again, for our insecurities and fears and flaws. It demanded that I remain focused solely on the possibility of something new. And, in the end, through God’s grace and through the freedom and clarity I gained through the Landmark Forum, victory was ours. Mine, and his. And God’s. We are now happier and healthier than ever, and have a completely different relationship. And guess what? He decided to do the Forum as well!

It wasn’t just that relationship that was healed, though. Virtually every relationship in my life improved because I had learned how to separate people from their actions, and separate people’s actions from the meanings we attach to them. I was able to see people for who they truly are, behind the walls and beneath the scars. I was able to be my true self as well.

My second goal, after returning home, was to move forward with my professional life. After losing my business, I was terrified to pour my heart into something else and fail. I felt inadequate, and doomed to failure. I found excuses to stay where I was, afraid to take that risk again. But after Landmark, I knew what I wanted to do. And I knew what I needed to do to get there. So I got to work. I’ve been quiet here, but behind the screen, I’ve been insanely busy working on an entirely new business that I am so excited about. I’ve partnered with a great friend of mine to bring something unique and fresh to Pittsburgh’s dating scene! And after months of research, hard work and all of the chaos that a start-up brings, we are just two weeks away from opening our doors. My goal is to build this company to become a staple in Pittsburgh, helping people find love, and eventually head back to Los Angeles to start building there as well.

I’ve also been working behind the scenes on a strategy to develop my personal brand and focus on finding my direction there. I’m excited to be offering life and business coaching both in-office and virtually. You can find more info under the Coaching tab!

In the meantime, I’ve been trying to spend as much quality time with my son as possible during the warm, summer months and before he heads back to school and the new company launches. I’m heading back to LA in October to do the next course in the Landmark curriculum. I’m also doing Landmark seminar series here in Pittsburgh that starts next week.

Only three months after my experience with Landmark, life looks completely different. The impossible became possible, and the possible became reality. I have some big goals I’m still working on, but I have total confidence in my ability to make them happen. Until then, I’m enjoying the ride and all I’ve been blessed with.

For more information on the Landmark Forum, visit http://www.landmarkworldwide.com

Change is terrifying. It always has been, for me. And I am in the midst of some considerable change.

Three years ago, my life was changed forever, in so many amazing ways, when I decided to become my own boss as a health & fitness coach. I was passionate about the products, eager for the opportunity and overwhelmed by the love and support I received from the team of women around me.

When I began this journey, I was charmed by the work. For the first two years of my journey as a coach, my team grew along with my passion for helping women make their health a priority and make their dreams a reality. I was proud of the work we were doing, of all that we stood for and of the life I was able to create for my family.

When my marriage fell apart, I was forced to step back from my business a bit and focus on my son, my health and on adjusting to life as a single mother. My team was strong and I had complete confidence that they would continue to thrive. What I didn’t anticipate is how vital my presence as a leader was in maintaining a positive team culture. The culture of acceptance, encouragement and empowerment began to erode and I wasn’t there to notice it.

What I also didn’t anticipate is that my team was vulnerable to the ever-increasing negativity that comes with any large group of women put together under the guise of competition. By the time I found my way back, the team I had worked so hard to build was gone. The business I had poured my blood, sweat and tears into had become something I no longer felt a fire for. The entire coach community, even outside of my team, had become something I was no longer proud to be a part of. I saw the ugliness, the cattiness. I just didn’t feel good about what I was doing anymore. I wanted to help people find happiness and freedom, and I didn’t feel like this was the way to do that anymore.

If I’m being honest, and that is my goal here, then I need to say that I’ve also grown disconnected. From the work, from the team, from the ever-changing atmosphere. When I became a part of that organization, it was something I was proud of. It was something I was passionate about sharing. It was empowering. It was growth. It was knowledge, and trans-formative. It was fulfillment. But as the organization grew quite rapidly, it began to change in a fundamental way. Where there had been empowerment, competition and jealousy began to harbor. Where there had been growth and transformation, stagnancy began to fester. And where passion once thrived, complacency and disconnect flooded in.  My personal struggles with Lupus, divorce and the loss of a child made it difficult for me to maintain the culture that I had created amidst the growing pressure of negative influence. And as I slowly began to put the pieces of my life back together, I realized that what I had come back to was almost unrecognizable.

Initially, the thought of losing something else that held such tremendous meaning in my life was almost unbearable. I had given up hopes and dreams, a marriage, a baby. And now the loss of a business I’ve poured my heart and soul into. It’s scary. It’s heartbreaking. But, I can say in complete confidence, it’s part of the plan. No, not part of my plan. But none of what’s transpired over the last six years has been part of my plan. I was going to have a rewarding career as a social justice warrior. I was going to travel the world. But God had a different plan, and that plan was far better than anything I’d ever imagined. I became a Lupus warrior. I became a mom. I became an entrepreneur. I found my soulmate. Although I may be stepping out into the unknown, I’m doing it with complete faith in a God that has never once forsaken me.

After a lot of prayer and discernment, I decided to walk away from my job as a coach. I shared this news with my team a few weeks ago, and started to shift my focus toward building my own brand and the other projects I’m working on. And while I have received an abundance of support, excitement and interest in my new endeavors, from within and outside of the coach community, I have also received quite a few criticisms, passive aggressive posts and “unfriending” from coaches I once considered to be my friends. It’s disappointing, to say the least. Since when did it become unacceptable to leave a job if it was no longer the right fit?

I’ve been accused of “only being a coach for the money” and “being fake” or “being selfish.” The truth is that I started to feel fake trying to talk about a business I no longer enjoyed. And I knew that I was limited by the company and that I had the potential to help a lot more people outside of that umbrella. In fact, when one of my mentors asked me what my goals were for the year, I replied with “to help as many people as possible create the life they want.” Health coaching just isn’t the platform for me to do that anymore.

My motivations are as pure as they’ve ever been. But I can no longer represent something I don’t believe in. And while I continue to use the products personally, I can no longer recruit women into a business that has become the opposite of what I stand for. I will be forever grateful for the opportunity to help so many women make positive changes in their lives, and for the impact coaching has had on my life. Because of the women who empowered me to take that step and succeed, I have a newfound confidence and thirst for life that I will carry with me in all of my endeavors.

As you’ve likely noticed, I have been working very hard on numerous other projects to be able to help as many of you as possible. There is so much opportunity out there in the world, and I want to help connect you with it and find a way to make it work for you. My mission for 2017 is to help YOU create peace, happiness, freedom and purpose in your life. And I’m more determined than ever before. They say that when one door closes, another opens. They say that the most successful people in the world change jobs every 3 years. They say a lot of things to make change less scary. But I say, face the fear. Let it in. Let it strengthen you, let it build your character. But don’t ever let it keep you down.

Change is scary. But it’s part of life. And life is good.

To those of you who have continued to support me throughout this transitional time in my life, I thank you sincerely, from the bottom of my heart. You are a constant source of inspiration and strength to me.

To those of you considering a change in your life, I implore you to follow your heart and let go of fear. It is only when you step beyond your comfort zone that you begin to see the world of possibility.

And, to those of you who are ready to stop living by demand and start creating a life by design, let’s chat. I can help you, and it would be my honor and privilege.

God bless,

Kristin

I spent the majority of my adulthood, and part of my adolescence, dealing with unexplained and undiagnosed health issues. I spent countless hours googling, researching and attempting to diagnose myself. I was bounced from doctor to doctor, underwent unending diagnostics, blood work and even surgeries. I never got answers. And I never got better.

I did begin to learn a lot about my body and the likelihood that I was probably suffering from an autoimmune disease. My primary care doctor and two rheumatologists told me that they suspected Lupus, but no one was ready to make a diagnosis. I had symptoms that were atypical to Lupus and more in line with other autoimmune diseases, only those antibodies were not present. Only the Lupus antibodies were present. But I did not receive a diagnosis of Lupus. Only a reassurance that it was possible, even likely, but not certain. Just this scary word, this scary future, being thrown at me. So still, no answers. And without answers, no treatment. Actually, that’s not entirely true. I had an arsenal of meds that only made me feel worse. But there was no clear treatment PLAN. Just a continuously growing list of prescription medications and unexplained symtpoms.

The more I suffered, the more I was forced to become my own advocate. I sought out to learn about autoimmune disease, what causes it and how to treat it. I started to read about the Autoimmune Protocol and it’s ability to reverse these diseases and put symptoms into remission. It seemed far better to me than a life sentence to steroids and poor quality of life. But, it was a drastic change. And without that coveted diagnosis, I wasn’t sure it would be worth it. I didn’t even really know WHAT was wrong with me, so why undertake something that BIG if it may not even work?

I tried to eat healthy, clean food most of the time. It helped, to some degree. But I didn’t understand the scope of what was happening inside my body. I was working out really hard. I was drinking wine regularly. I was staying up way too late. I was putting my child’s needs before my own. I was dealing with ongoing stress triggers. I was spending hours in the sun. I now know that ALL of those things can send autoimmune disease into an out-of-control flare. But I didn’t know that then.

This past year, it all caught up with me and I became sick. Sick is a word I despise. My son walks around pretending to be “sick” and it’s gut-wrenching. Sick is a word that’s used far too often in my home, and it’s a part of our daily lives. I hate that with every ounce of my being.

My body shut down in August. It started to reject everything I put into it, and onto it. It just wouldn’t function. I was lost and desperate. I needed to find answers and, more than that, I needed to find help. I had exhausted all of my options in mainstream medicine, and lost all of my faith that my help would come from there. I prayed for direction. And in the midst of an episode of acute nausea, vomiting, insomnia and incessant googling for answers, I found it.

I filled out an inquiry in hopes that Dr. Cole would see me. Dr. Cole is a Functional Medicine Doctor who specializes in treating unexplained conditions on the autoimmune spectrum. He sees patients across the globe via Skype, but his office happens to be 10 minutes from my house. He takes on only serious cases and only cases that he believes he can treat successfully. I had grown accustomed to being told “I can’t help you” so my expectations were low, but still I had hope.

I got the call back for an evaluation and met Dr. Cole a week later. He was kind and knowledgable. And he LISTENED. He listened to my concerns, he believed them and he understood what they were. He was able to tell me what was happening with my body right away. It was a tremendous relief, until he went over the treatment plan with us and, ultimately, what it would cost. I broke down right there. How could God drag me through all of this, and finally lead me to an answer just to tell me that I couldn’t have it? I wasn’t going to get better, ever.

My husband and I left the office without speaking. I just prayed. I prayed with everything in me that God would provide a way. And He did. After sitting down and looking at our options, we were able to make it happen and I began treatment a few weeks later. I knew that the biggest part of my treatment would be adopting the Autoimmune Protocol (AIP), in addition to herbal supplements, vitamin supplements, natural medicines, fasts, and the like. I was ready, though. I didn’t have a choice.

AIP stands for the Autoimmune Protocol. It’s a variation of the Paleo diet and it’s used to treat Autoimmune disease and conditions on the Autoimmune spectrum. AIP is an elimination diet that excludes any and all foods that cause irritation to the gut. The diet does not allow ANY ALCOHOL, GRAINS, DAIRY, NUTS, SEEDS, LEGUMES, NIGHTSHADES or spices/seasons containing any of the previous. It is not for the faint of heart. But, since nearly all of your immune system lies within the gut, almost all autoimmune response begins their as well. This diet is the only way to HEAL the body rather than masking the symptoms of autoimmune disease, but it can take years to put the body into full remission.

In my case, my gut was so severely permeated that everything I ate caused further irritation and allowed undigested food to leak into the bloodstream. Undigested food is TOXIC to the blood. Blood cells have to work overtime to break those toxins down. This is where my body learned to attack itself. My blood cells were working so hard to combat the constant flow of toxins into the bloodstream that they could no longer distinguish what was healthy and what was unhealthy. They started to attack everything, including other blood cells. Once that faulty process began, it became impossible for my blood cells to properly absorb and transport vitamins, nutrients, hormones, etc. So now I’m left with a number of chronic deficiencies that play out in a number of different ways. In addition, that learned autoimmune response has spread to my stomach, skin cells and possibly other organs as well. The extent of the AI response in my body is unknown.

The AIP diet essentially allows the gut to heal by eliminating irritants and gives the immune system an opportunity to calm down. The hope, of course, is that some foods will ultimately be reintroduced successfully. But there is no guarantee of that and each case is different. As I stated above, the healing process can take years. I am working with Dr. Cole toward a one-year goal of remission. I am doing everything in my power to reach that goal. I began treatment on November 4th and I’m 3 months in. I’ve had quite a few setbacks, and also a few victories. I am making progress, slowly but surely. And I have my eye on the prize. I know that this is the only option for me if I want to be healthy. I know that this is the only path to a happy, fulfilling life. I’m far too young to throw in the towel on health. My husband and son deserve the best version of me and that is what I’m fighting for.

I know that medical science is the prominent source of treatment in today’s world. But medical science failed me. And it’s failing others just like me everyday. Modern medicine is decades behind when it comes to diagnosing and treating autoimmune disease and unidentified AI spectrum conditions. The reason for that is because of it’s model of care. Did you know that much of what is learned in medical school is pharmaceuticals and that pharmaceutical companies actually support a large number of medical schools financially? What are the implications of that? Medical doctors are trained to diagnose a condition based on a clearly indicated list of symptoms, and then match that diagnosis with a corresponding medication. That means that if a person’s symptoms do not fit perfectly into a diagnostic box, they will likely not be diagnosed. At least not easily. Even if said person does happen to receive a diagnosis, it’s likely to be as simplistic and inadequate as the corresponding Rx used to treat it. Medicine should not be aimed at disguising illness, but rather at finding the root cause of the problem and working to heal the body. And medicine should not be one-size-fits-all. Every person, every body is unique. That has never been truer than in dealing with the AI spectrum.

Now that I’ve bored you with that, let’s just bring it back around to WHY I am sharing this. I DID find answers. I found them by going outside of mainstream medicine and seeking a doctor who truly understands the way all bodily systems work in conjunction with one another and how to treat chronic illness as a whole. Not everyone will be able to afford to see a functional med doc, and that’s unfortunate. But there is a movement building and perhaps the American model of care will begin to shift. Until then, there is the Autoimmune Protocol.

AIP can be adopted by anyone at anytime. There is a wealth of knowledge, evidence, insight and resources available on the internet about AIP, how to begin and why. I won’t lie to you and say that it’s an easy change to make. It’s not. It comes with an off-and-on sense of deprivation and isolation. But it carries the promise of a better future, and that makes it worth it.

If you’ve been diagnosed with an autoimmune disease, or if you’re dealing with undiagnosed chronic illness or suspect you may fall somewhere on the AI spectrum and are interested in learning more about AIP and how you can fit it into your life, please feel free to contact me.

Many prayers and blessing for health & happiness.

Photo Credit: Krystipher Medellin, https://www.facebook.com/DiamondbackPhotography/.

The Beginning of an End:

So, I haven’t blogged in awhile and I want to address the reasons why. If you know me personally, then it should come as no surprise that I’m writing this. Either way, my hope is that through reading my story, you will take away from it a message. A message about why taking care of your body needs to be a priority in your life. It just has to. Like it or not.

Although I don’t have an official diagnosis, all of my doctors agree that my body is sick. Well, actually, I have a list of diagnoses, but none of them actually explain or justify what’s going on with me. I have what they call “autoimmune response”, which isn’t an official diagnosis, and certainly not one that would justify my health insurance company paying for any of my prescription medications. I have spent the past decade bouncing from doctor to doctor, diagnostic to diagnostic, without ever receiving any affirmation of what is causing my symptoms. All the while, my body’s ability to function, along with my quality of life, has been steadily declining. No one disputes this, yet no one has answers.

I’ve talked about this before on my Facebook page, but I want to mention it here as well, because it’s really important. It’s important because I know a lot of other women who are facing similar struggles, and each of them deserves better than what my experience has been. One of the most difficult aspects of living with chronic illness is the isolation. Any chronic illness comes with the need to withdraw socially. Not by choice, but by necessity. I can’t predict my sickness. I don’t know when a flare will occur, or when an acute episode will strike. Making plans is difficult for this reason, as is keeping the plans I’ve already made.

When you have a label for your disease, a “diagnosis”, people can be sympathetic to this need to withdraw. But without it, a lot of people simply don’t get it. “There’s nothing wrong with her, she’s just a hypochondriac” or “She’s making herself sick with that anxiety” or “She’s so unreliable, she doesn’t care about me”. These are the attitudes I’ve been received with far too often. It makes me angry. It makes me angry on behalf of my husband and son who have to live every day with a wife and a mama who isn’t well. It makes me angry for all of the times my husband has had to defend me or explain my absence, for all of the times he’s had to take off work to care for our son because I couldn’t get out of bed, for all of the times my son has pulled on my sleeve saying “mommy, mommy” wanting me to play with him, but I can’t. I want to shout it from the rooftops, if only I had the energy, “This is not my choice. This is not the way I CHOOSE to live.”

But enough about that. It doesn’t matter if it’s a choice or not. This is my life.

I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I am genetically predisposed for an autoimmune disease. Autoimmune disease is present on both sides of my family. But I don’t technically have one, at least one that has been identified. So why is my body attacking itself?

Here’s where it gets ugly. The truth of the matter is that I have abused my body for a very long time. When I was a teenager, I began to poison my body with cigarettes, drugs and alcohol. Good nutrition was non-existent. I ate only foods like pizza, fast food and candy. This continued into my twenties, until I eventually calmed down on the drug use. I continued to smoke cigarettes and eat highly processed foods until I was 30 years old. I had also developed a new habit of drinking energy drinks daily. This lifestyle, combined with my inability to deal with stress, was destroying my body on the inside. But I didn’t know it until it was too late. Or so I thought.

I started to get sick in the Fall of 2010, after I got married. Looking back, it had been one of the most stressful times in my life. Planning a wedding, maintaining a 4.0 in school and a toxic living situation that forced my husband and I to move out of our home for a month, and the stress of it all triggered something in my body that had been underlying for years.

I began to experience nausea everyday. Then I began to experience cognitive issues, like memory lapses and forgetting where I was. Then came the headaches, muscle aches, joint pain. And then, the acute episodes of horrible sickness. And, eventually, the crippling fatigue. Suddenly I could no longer take Micah to the library for an hour without it feeling like I had ran a marathon. It took me days to recover. The simplest things became so difficult for me. I felt like I was 100 years old. Worse, actually. I remember talking with our elderly neighbors and thinking “Why do they feel better than I do? Why do they get to be healthy and have energy?”

But again, enough of that. It doesn’t matter. What matters is this: I am here. I am alive. And I will not give up my fight for a healthier body.

Which is what led me to Dr. Cole, a functional medicine doctor. After spending endless hours of midnight googling, I found Dr. Cole through God’s grace. I’ve received a lot of God’s grace in my lifetime, of this I have no doubt. I began treatment with Dr. Cole only 6 days ago, and I am already feeling a notable improvement. He and I both are confident about my body’s ability to be healed. It’s not an easy road, though. I am on an incredibly strict diet, which is not for the faint hearted. But my will power is solid, because it stands on my only hope for a brighter future for myself and my family.

My biggest struggle recently has been an emotional one. Not so much over having to give up so many things, and not even over the isolation. The struggle comes from my passion to help other people find happiness and health. It is also my job. But how can I do it? How can I lead people to better health when I don’t yet have it myself? Why would someone accept my offer to help them improve their health when I am so sick? How can I possibly do my job?

But the truth, again, is that my story and my sickness make me even more qualified and more motivated to help people work toward better health. I have seen what poor lifestyle choices can do to a body. I’ve lived it! And I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy, if I had one. If I can prevent just one person from becoming sick the way I did, then I will consider myself a success.

More and more women are falling victim to chronic digestive issues, chronic pain and chronic fatigue without resolution. Why? Because of the “food” and toxins that we put onto and into our bodies. It could happen to you, and I pray that it doesn’t. But let me help you make sure that it doesn’t! Take control of your health now before it’s too late. I can help you. We can do it together. I invite you to join me on this journey by being a part of my next health & fitness support group run entirely through Facebook. I promise that I will hold your virtual hand, and together we will work towards better health. You don’t have to be on a crazy diet like me, you don’t have to love working out. All you have to do is say yes to a healthy YOU.

Because this post is all about truth, I want to end with this statement: You only get one body, so treat it well.

60 Days Into Treatment:

I’ve spent quite a bit of time this week in reflection of the year past. 2014 was by far the most challenging of my life. I have been struggling with chronic illness for nearly a decade but, in August, I became very sick while at the beach and never really recovered. My health declined steadily and rapidly after that, until daily functioning was more than I could handle.

After many years of being bounced around between doctors, chasing a diagnosis and being labeled a conundrum, my husband and I decided to seek care from a Functional Medicine doctor. Within weeks he was able to determine the cause of my vast array of health issues and determine a course of action.

I am experiencing an autoimmune response of the blood cells in my body, meaning they are too busy attacking themselves to properly absorb vitamins, nutrients, hormones and the like. As a result, I am suffering from a number of deficiencies and all of the side effects that result from those deficiencies. Virtually every part of my body has been affected by this abnormal function of the immune system.

My treatment is holistic, using nutrition and herbal supplements to calm the immune system, heal the gut, detox the liver and replace some of the most extreme deficiencies, such as Vitamin D and Iron, as my body is able to tolerate them. My diet is extremely limited, and I am really only able to eat vegetables (9 cups daily, which is almost impossible) as well as limited meats and fruits. I am unable to eat sugar, grains, dairy, eggs, nuts, seeds, legumes or nightshades. Of course, I began this treatment right before Thanksgiving and have had to recreate all of my holiday meals according to the Autoimmune Protocol. It’s been a true test of my inner strength and willpower. Luckily, I have been permitted a few glasses of holiday wine to combat the sense of deprivation and social isolation.

This treatment, while effective, has been a very slow process with many setbacks. And I am only sixty days in. It’s also come with a powerful emotional element which I did not expect. I experienced a period of mourning when I began the diet. At first, I was mourning the loss of so many foods, but I soon realized that what I was actually mourning was the loss of normalcy, perhaps forever. I could no longer have a meal in a restaurant, or at someone’s home. I felt isolated and abnormal. I was grieving my previous life and learning to accept my new reality. Keeping my eye on the prize is critical. My doc informed me from the start that I was likely looking at a twelve month recovery process to get my symptoms into remission and, even after that, my life would never be the same. He has been amazing, is incredibly supportive and I finally feel that I have someone who will listen to me and help me get healthy. I am incredibly focused on doing everything in my power to heal my body. I have to, for the sake of my family.

Which brings me to the incredible blessings of 2014.

I can think of at least a thousand moments spent with my son that make all of the sickness obsolete. His smile, his laugh, his curiosity and love of knowledge. Watching him learn to speak, dance, sing songs, give kisses. His cuddles and silliness before he falls asleep in my arms. Every single moment spent with him has been a blessing.

And then there’s my husband, the most amazing man God could ever have placed in my life. He has always been my best friend, but this past year has redefined the love I have for him. Through all of the sickness, and every way that it’s impacted our lives, no matter how big or small, he has always made sure I am taken care of and that our son is taken care of. He cooks, cleans, changes diapers, gives baths, does laundry, grocery shops weekly at three different stores to get all of the things I need for my diet. He forgives all of my weaknesses and intolerances, and never loses patience with me. He gets up with our son in the night if he wakes up and every weekend so that I can sleep. He supports me in my work. He stands behind every decision I make. He tells me I’m beautiful when I haven’t showered or brushed my teeth. He tells me I’m a good mom when I’ve been on the couch all day sick. He tells me I’m perfect when I’m anything but. He gives and gives and gives, and never takes. He is so gracious and so kind.

I would never have made it through this past year without my husband, my best friend. As long as I live, I will never be able to express my gratitude for his love and support. I will never be able to repay him. But he is perfectly fine with that. I am truly blessed to have such an strong, selfless man to call my husband.

I am determined to become healthy this year, and to become the mother my son deserves and the wife my husband deserves. I am determined to make 2015 the best year of my life. I am determined to get well and get on with living life.

I am also determined to help as many people as possible live healthier, happier lives. I have been blessed by God to have found a job that allows me to do just that, while still being home with my son and focusing on healing. I had no idea when I became a health & fitness coach that it would become my true calling. But it did. I have lived with the effects of chronic illness, and I have learned first-hand how important it is to take care of the body I’ve been given. I have been blessed, even through this illness, to realize the importance of my work. I will spend this coming year sharing my message and providing people with the tools they need to improve their quality of life and prevent the type of illness that I’m still battling every day.

Diagnosis – 710.0:

Yesterday I saw my Rheumatologist and he gave me something that I wasn’t quite expecting. A diagnosis. I’ve struggled with how to let people know because I have very mixed emotions about it. On one hand, it’s an answer. It’s a concrete, affirmation of everything that’s been going on for the past 20 years of my life. It’s a label, an explanation for why I feel this way. It’s a valid excuse for all of the things that I’d rather not do because they’re too challenging.

On the other hand, though, it’s a label. One that comes with a stigma and a prognosis. And I don’t like that. Partly because I’m a bit of a control freak. Partly because it’s not my style to have limitations put on me. And also because I suppose I’ve had the liberty of living with some degree of denial about how sick my body is. Without that diagnosis, I’ve been able to convince myself (on good days) that I am just a little bit sick. No big deal.

But there it is. I left my doctor’s office yesterday with a piece of paper clearly indicating my diagnosis. 710.0: Systemic Lupus Erythematosus (SLE). Everything has changed. But really, nothing has. Or maybe it’s somewhere in between.

I was shocked when my doctor said the word “Lupus”, but I’m not entirely sure why. Perhaps it’s because I’ve grown accustomed to not having answers. Or maybe it’s just because I’ve been so focused on healing my body that I really didn’t expect it. But the truth is I’ve heard a number of doctors throw the word “Lupus” at me. It’s been the suspected diagnosis for several years. So why was I so surprised to hear it confirmed? Officially? I don’t know.

It was a strange feeling as I walked out of his office and attempted to digest the news. Earlier in the day, I had been looking at photos from when we took Micah to his first concert, and it made me sad to see how happy and seemingly healthy I was at the time. I thought of that as I walked to the elevator. I was sort of numb, I guess. But part of me felt like the life I once had was gone forever. I got in the car and told my husband. His reaction, I could tell, was the same as mine. There wasn’t much to say. We were just taking it in.

I was glad that we had plans to attend another concert that night at church. I needed a distraction and I needed some spiritual healing. Ironically, or maybe not at all, the theme of the evening was God’s victory over all things. “GOD IS ALWAYS VICTORIOUS.” That’s what I kept hearing last night. I held my son and danced with him and for a moment, everything was perfect. And I knew that I was exactly where I was meant to be at that moment, and in life.

Today is a new day. But I still can’t say it. I haven’t spoken the words “I have Lupus.” In fact, this is the first time I’ve even typed it. I don’t even know what having Lupus means for me.

But I know what it doesn’t mean. It doesn’t mean that I will never be well. It doesn’t mean that I will discontinue treatment with Dr. Cole. It doesn’t mean that I will stop focusing on healing my body naturally and improving my quality of life. And it sure as hell doesn’t mean that I’m going to throw in the towel and stop fighting for a long, healthy, fulfilling life with my husband and son. I have so much love and support and a God that is always victorious. I’ve got all I need for a win.

I have Lupus. But I’m still me. I’m still a fighter. And I still have plenty of living to do.

I have Lupus. But Lupus does not define me. And it never will.

Update:

Wow. It’s hard to believe that six months have passed since I began my treatment with a Functional Medicine Doc. Its amazing to look back and see what I was able to accomplish and how much progress I’ve made in healing my body. But it hasn’t been easy.

I have to admit that the first three months were very difficult. I started the AI Protocol just a couple of weeks before the holiday season. I had to navigate my way through Thanksgiving, my son’s birthday party and several Christmas get-togethers without being able to eat any of the foods that were being served.

Thanksgiving was very difficult, because my family didn’t really understand or support the choices I was making with my health. I chose to stay home and make my own turkey and fixings, which went surprisingly well for my first time! I was pretty proud of my little turkey

The tension with my family grew, and my sister took it personally that we had chose to miss Thanksgiving because it was just too difficult to make it work on our end. She refused to come to my son’s birthday party and decided that she would not allow me to see her two children either. I was incredibly hurt, and couldn’t really understand why she was so angry with me. But I had to accept it. When Christmas rolled around, things became extremely stressful and the progress I had made up to that point was lost. My body doesn’t react well physically to severe and chronic stress. I spent the majority of the month of December being very sick again.

January was a welcome change. I committed to taking better care of myself mentally and emotionally, and separating myself from the things that were keeping me from getting better. I was excited for a new year, a fresh start for my family, my health and my business, all of which had suffered over the months prior. I did have a few more setbacks from the extreme cold, but I continued to stick to my treatment and power through. Once the cold weather broke, I started to feel much better. Almost normal!

At the 6 month mark, I underwent a fully comprehensive food intolerance test to determine what I may be able to reintroduce into my diet. I was really nervous because I knew that there would be some things that I wasn’t tolerating that I’d have to eliminate. But I was hopeful for some new additions and had my eye on a few things in particular; tomatoes, cheese and Shakeology, of course!

When my doc called to go over the results with me, I was like a kid at Christmas! I did have to eliminate a few staples in my diet, like onions, broccoli, ginger and bananas (Wha?!? I LOVE bananas!!) But the news overall was great! I am now able to have tomatoes and all other nightshades, including spices! I can also have CHEESE!!! I wanted cheese so bad, but didn’t have much hope for it, so it was fantastic to hear that it was a yes! And the biggest victory of all, for me, was getting the green light on Shakeology! Because it contains quinoa and goji berries, two things I wasn’t able to have initially, I had to forgo it for 6 whole months. My energy levels, my hair and fingernails and my digestive tract were desperate for that superfood goodness! So being able to reintroduce Shakeology was a HUGE victory. Since then, I’ve been able to successfully reintegrate a lot of foods into my diet on a “sometimes” basis. I still stick mainly to a paleo diet and do regular fasting to maintain gut health.

When I look back at my life right before I began this treatment, I had very little hope. My body was rejecting nearly every food I put into it. I spent several days a week curled up on the couch, too nauseated to move, unable to function. My son was the only thing giving me the will to live. I wondered if I would be forced to live the rest of my life in such misery.

Today, my life is completely different. It’s not perfect. I’m living with a chronic illness that will forever dictate the way I live my life. But I’m learning to give my body the nourishment, love and respect that it deserves. And I’m working hard to share that knowledge and that hope with other people who are battling Autoimmune Disease. I feel better physically and stronger mentally. And I have grown to see this illness as a blessing because of the opportunity it’s given me to connect with other people and help them to make their health a priority as well.

I am so grateful for all of the love, support and prayers I have received from all of you out there since I began this journey to wellness. If you are struggling with AID or any chronic illness, please feel free to reach out to me for information or support.

All my love,
Kristin

“This evening my husband and I took our son out for ice cream. Afterward, we decided to head to the park. It was getting late, but the weather was beautiful and there are only so many summer nights like these.

We weren’t there long before I noticed a child and his mother arguing. The boy, maybe 8, was refusing to get off of the slide and let the other children have a turn. My son, who is two, was one of the children waiting in line. I tried my best not to listen as the mom quietly pleaded with her child to get up. I tried not to listen as he threatened her in a way that made me nervous for her. I tried not to listen as the stress in her voice grew into desperation.

I told my son to play on a different slide. I didn’t want this mother to have to deal with more of a scene than she already was. I’ve been there. We all have. Kids have tantrums. It’s part of growing up. I looked to her and smiled, as warmly as I possibly could, to let her know that it was okay for my son to play on another slide.

But what I really wanted was to hug her. I wanted to tell her that everything was going to be okay. I wanted to tell her that she was a great mom. I wanted her to know how strong she is. I wanted to tell her that she was doing a great job. I wanted to tell her that her son was perfect. He was different. I could see in her eyes that she was exhausted from what was likely a constant series of quarrels just like the one that was transpiring there. But I could see, too, that she loved her son with every bone in her body. I could see that she only wanted him to be happy.

I tried my best to encourage Micah to play with him, to talk with him. The two boys were worlds apart, but I wanted that boy to feel liked. I wanted that mom to feel that her child was accepted. And I want, more than all of that, to raise a child that will love and accept all of God’s children without judgement.

I have been very blessed with a healthy, happy child. I can’t begin to understand this mom’s struggle. But I can understand the love she has for her little boy. And I want to say to that mom, YOU ARE AMAZING. YOUR SON IS AMAZING. YOU ARE BOTH FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE.”

Often times I have men and women join me on this journey of entrepreneurship with wide eyes and excitement. But after a few months, or even a few years, they haven’t seen the success they hoped for. They get discouraged and pull back, or even quit altogether. It’s heartbreaking, because I know how close they’ve come to making all of their dreams come true, only to give them all up.

Being a girlboss certainly comes with its challenges. Learning to be self-motivated and manage my time. Learning how to be a leader, mentor and motivator. Learning business and computer skills. Learning to create systems and trainings so that my team can duplicate my success. And learning when to let others fall, because you can’t want something for someone more than they want it for themselves.

But the most valuable lessons I’ve learned about being a successful entrepreneur are the two things I want to share with you. In order to do something others can’t do, namely live a life of complete freedom, you have to be willing to do something others won’t do, and do it consistently. As far as I’ve been able to gather, there are just two secret ingredients to success: Consistency and Fear.

Consistency. Becoming an entrepreneur has less to do with making some grand gesture and much more to do with consistently doing small things, day after day. (Check out “The Compound Effect” by Darren Hardy) Small things add up over time. Success is the sum of your efforts, so resolve to do a few things each day that will get you closer to your ultimate goal.

Fear. Let me just clarify that by fear, I actually mean Facing Your Fears. Learning to push through your fear and step outside of your comfort zone is absolutely critical to becoming successful. If you allow yourself to be held back by the fear of failure, of what others think or say about what you’re doing, about not measuring up, or about anything else, you will never achieve your dreams. Success requires courage. And it requires total faith in yourself. Perhaps you’ve heard the famous quote by Henry Ford, “Whether you think you can or can’t, you’re right.” If you don’t believe it’s possible, then it’s not. But if you have faith, the sky is the limit to your success. So step out in faith and do what scares you!

If you’re ready to get started on your very own journey to success or want to know more about joining my team of entrepreneurs, fill out this application and I’ll be in touch!